I have no made a blog post in a long, long time. It is much needed.
As I continue on into motherhood I can't help but to listen to my sweet baby boy sitting in his swing at 11:04pm at night just coo-ing and being his happy self.
We spent a very long 87 days in the NICU. A very long time coming to terms that this was our new "normal." In the last 6.5 weeks of being home I've went through several stages. The first 3 weeks were the hardest to adjust to. I knew my baby already, but not completely. Each day of those first few weeks was rough. I just could not get Henry to sleep at night and be awake during the day. I was an emotional wreck. I was utterly exhausted. I thought the life of being a mother was going to forever be an exhausting task. Not to mention, I was pumping 8 times a day and feeding Henry 8 times a day as well. Well it got better and changed when Henry changed his sleep pattern and I also stopped pumping because I was not even producing half of what he needed. So we are now on a great schedule, unless it gets screwed up by appointments and feeding times being switched up (like tonight). He will eat his last night time bottle at 11pm, get to sleep by 12am, and mommy gets at least 3-4 hours of sleep before he wakes up on his own around 4-5 am (sometimes earlier). He will eat and then go straight back to sleep until 7-8am when we then get up, eat, change diaper, and get dressed for the day. Which was a pretty nice schedule because we managed to move back into mommy and daddy's bedroom since we had somewhat of a schedule and didn't want to wake up daddy too much. It just worked. It's still working but at the moment I am thinking that now it's all switched up because he got his 4 month shots today. 4 months old, you say? Yep! So he slept the majority of the day, until his 9pm feeding and he has been up since all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Boy, I hope he is not wide awake all night! This mama is tired from being up since 4:30am having to be up early for an 8am appointment. Henry is still on oxygen and a pulse ox monitor. So making sure I have enough time to take a shower, feed, change, and dress him as well as pile everything in the car it takes a while. Plus, there was no use in trying to sleep for 30 minutes after he at at 4:30am before getting ready for the day! *sigh* Please God, I loved the schedule we had going!
My days of motherhood have taught me so far that even though there are rough moments, every day I feel more and more blessed and in love with Henry than the day before. Just when I feel like I can't fall in love with him more, I do. I never understood that while being an infertile. Wait, am I still infertile? Eh, I don't know what I would classify myself as. I still feel the pain and the wrath of what infertility did to my life. I feel more open to express my emotions about infertility. Any chance I get, I try to spread the word of awareness. I want people to know they are not alone. It may take a very long time to get your bundle of joy but I know that day will come! So do not give up hope and pray, pray, pray that God gives you a miracle. He gave me that miracle who fought for his little life for a long 3 months in the NICU.
I cannot express enough how big my heart is. I'm listening to Henry make his happy little noises a few feet away and I still have to pinch myself to realize that it's real and he is mine. He is such a delight and I am loving motherhood. Even if I trip over his oxygen tube and monitor cords at least once a day. Even if I have to maneuver around all of the crazy madness of it all. My son is home. My son is alive. My son survived being born way too early. My son is God's greatest gift to my life besides my husband. I am blessed. I am forever grateful for every little thing we have had to endure over the last 4 months. It's been a very long road and there was lots of struggle, and still is, with dealing with my emotions about his birth and early arrival. I never imagined it happening like this. I expected a full term pregnancy. I expected all of those normal end of the pregnancy things to happen. A baby shower with a huge belly. A pregnancy photoshoot. A 3D session with ultrasound. The swollen feet. The huge belly. The waiting for labor to happen. All of it that I did not get to experience that happen in the last 15 weeks of pregnancy.
I will be okay. It will take time to get over what happened. But for now, we have our beautiful baby boy, Henry. He has shown us how to be strong and that God literally is watching over us and has a bigger plan for all of us. Man, I couldn't ask for more. :)
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Henry's new Facebook Page!
We decided to make a Facebook page for Henry. The link is Hope for Henry. If you have Facebook and would like to join, it's much appreciated! Henry needs all the love and support he can get! :)
Monday, December 3, 2012
Henry's Birth Story *VERY long!* and SPAM!
It all started on Monday, November 5th. I decided to go into labor and delivery after having tons of green and white mucus. I went in, they monitored me, checked my cervix, checked for infections, told me I was good to go and it was my "normal" and sent me on my way. I was not prepared for what would happen the next day.
November 6th, I woke up in the morning to go to work and I was a little crampy. The midwife at L&D told me that I would be a little crampy the day following the cervix check. I went to work and within the first 2 hours I started having these strange pains that would start in my stomach and move to my lower back, almost like a super bad period cramp. They came and went every now and then and I tried very hard to just ignore them, seeing as the midwife told me I'd probably be a bit crampy. I got through the day at work, which was a bit difficult seeing as I didn't feel well at all throughout the day. I just wanted to push through it and not be one of those annoying pregnant women who like to make excuses to leave work because they're not feeling well. Soon it was time to leave work and I decided to go to Walmart to pick up a few groceries for the house since my husband was coming home from a 2 week field project the next day. I decided to push through the pain, even though I so badly wanted to just sit down and relax, I knew I had to get a few things for the following day so that I could enjoy my husband being home rather than worrying about not having food in the house. Anyway, the whole time I was there I was having pain, thinking that it could possibly be contractions but it wasn't that tightening feeling I had heard about, or it wasn't every so often I'd feel the pain. It was a constant pain in my lower back and every now and then a pain in my lower abdomen. I got through it and after I checked out, I went to the restroom because I felt a huge amount of wetness in my underwear. When I went to check, there was bloody mucus. The midwife also told me I'd see some blood, too, so I wasn't too worried at this point. I just wanted to get home, put the groceries away, and relax for the rest of the night.
I finally got home and put the groceries away. It wasn't an easy task. I almost called my mom and asked her to come take them out of the car for me and put them away. I was hurting a good amount. I finally got them put away and laid down in bed to relax. By this time it was about 7pm and the presidential elections were going on. While I was laying there in bed, watching the votes fly in, I felt this strange pain that I had been feeling all day, getting worse. I now know that these pains were contractions. I timed them, they were 11 minutes apart. I didn't think anything of it, I didn't have the tightening like I thought I would. I decided to monitor these contractions over the course of the evening. I had 5 of them in about 2 hours. It made me wonder about going into labor and delivery. I toughed it out and fell asleep before finding out who won the presidential election. I woke up several times having contractions. At 4am, November 7th, something told me that it just want not right and it was too painful for it to just be from the cervix check. I decided to take a hot shower and get my clothes on and head to L&D to be checked out.
At 4:45am, November 7th, I was put on the monitors for contractions and baby's heartbeat. The contraction monitor was WAY too high on my stomach (I didn't know this during the time) to detect contractions and the nurse was baffled by the pain I had described to her. I decided to call my mom to let her know that I may not be going to work after all is said and done. She showed up around 5am. After about 30 minutes of monitoring, the nurse took me to the exam room to check my cervix and, again, check for infections. My mom stayed in the waiting room. I laid on the hard table bed, still having contractions. She checked to see if my water had broken, and it did not. She then checked for infections, there weren't any. Finally, she checked my cervix. She didn't say anything to me. She just said she was going to get the doctor and I was in there with another nurse who was doing something else, I just don't remember. The doctor came in, checked my cervix, talked to the nurse, and looked VERY sleepy like he had just woken up. I kind of questioned his professionalism due to how tired he looked. I'm not going to lie, I didn't like him too much. Anyway, the nurses left and he and the doctor and I were left in the room together. He sighed really deep and and looked at me straight in the face and said, "You're 4 cm dilated and your water is bulging." Cue the freaked out moment of silence from me, laying there all alone. After hearing him, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. The doctor then explained that he needed me to stay still, and that my water could break at any point and he didn't want that to happen. I then asked him to get my mom to come in the exam room. She came in and I had tears in my eyes and could barely explain to her what was going on. I told her to call my husband and to make him come to the hospital and out of the field as soon as he could. By this time, it was about 5:30 am. The doctor gave me an ultrasound to check on the baby's position. After looking at the ultrasound for several seconds, he announced that my baby boy was breech and that I would need a C-section, and probably very soon. Cue even more tears streaming down my face. My worst fears were coming true, a possibility of losing my baby, and having to get a c-section. I was terrified. I felt like it was a bad dream. I needed my husband. I sucked up the tears and just prayed to God for our little boy to be okay, and to come out breathing.
The nurses told me to stay put on the hard exam bed/table. They went and got a gurney and put it right by the door so I didn't have to walk far to get into the bed. The nurses practically picked me up and put me into the bed, and told me not to use ANY of my abdominal muscles. The road me down the hallway and into a L&D room. They put me pretty much upside-down, to take the pressure off my uterus/bag of water. They hooked me up to some IV medication to try to stop my contractions (at this point they KNEW they had done something wrong while they monitored me by not putting the monitor low enough on my belly to). My contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart. I remember the magnesium made my chest feel really hot. The contractions were getting worse. My husband finally showed up at around 6:20am. He was dirty from being in the field. He looked like he had not slept in about a month, and he was just baffled by the situation. He leaned in to kiss me and told me everything was going to be okay. He then went to the bathroom to wash his face and at least some of his body. My contractions kept getting worse. Really horrible lower back contractions. Then, all of a sudden I felt this major pain in my groin ligaments. It hurt SO BAD. I wanted to scream. I kept saying "It hurts, I'm so scared, It hurts!" My mom and my husband started rubbing my groin area and it was the best feeling I had ever felt!!! LOL... I will never forget that pain. The doctor came in at around 7:45am and checked my cervix. I had continued to dilate and I was going pretty fast. He gave me the option of giving birth hear and medi-flighting the baby to the NICU in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma OR to just medi-fllight me, while in labor, to the city. But if it were going to be just me, and my water would have broke while on the flight, the baby would possibly not make it. So we decided to just do the c-section there at the hospital and medi-flight Henry to OKC. We headed into the delivery room at around 8:15am and the doctors moved me from the bed to the operating table. Remember, I wasn't allowed to use my abdomen? They did the spinal while I was laying on my side because they didn't want me to be sitting up and to risk me breaking my water. It was the strangest thing ever! Then they flipped my body back onto my back and put the curtain below my neck so I couldn't see anything. I laid there listening to the surroundings. My husband finally got to come in. I tried to move my legs and couldn't. It almost made me feel like I was going to freak out. I stayed calm and made my own little noises to calm me down. I almost felt like I was meditating. I also remember every now and again saying, "God is good!! My baby is going to be okay, please let him be okay!" I repeated that several times, and continuing to moan to remember to breathe, plus it calmed me down. I then heard, "incision made, water's clear." I praised the lord for that. Then, after a few moments, the doctor said "time 9:17am" and I heard my sweet baby boy cry his first little cry. Then a few seconds later he cried again. They wheeled him by and took him away. They fixed me back up and rolled me back to my L&D room. I was so scared that something was going to happen to him. I begged God to keep him here on earth with us and to help him be healthy. I still kept saying, "I am so scared." After all we had been through to get him, we finally had our son, but why were we put in this situation? God knows the reason and we will find out sooner or later. After they rolled me back to my room, my husband left shortly after so they he could go home and change clothes, get some things together, and head up to OKC so that he could be there when Henry got there on the medi-flight. My mom went with him. My sister stayed at the hospital with me. The whole day I wondered how in the world could something like this happen? This was not the way it was supposed to go. But I thanked the Lord so many times and was so happy that my son came out alive and breathing. I saw him for the first time on his Birthday at around 2:30pm, right before they put him on the medi-flight to OKC. I touched his little hands and foot. I prayed that he would make it on the flight, and he did. A couple of days later I was discharged from the hospital to be with my two special boys. And that's the begining of our family story. I pray that there are many, many years to come. We will celebrate the milestones, each day/hour at a time!
November 6th, I woke up in the morning to go to work and I was a little crampy. The midwife at L&D told me that I would be a little crampy the day following the cervix check. I went to work and within the first 2 hours I started having these strange pains that would start in my stomach and move to my lower back, almost like a super bad period cramp. They came and went every now and then and I tried very hard to just ignore them, seeing as the midwife told me I'd probably be a bit crampy. I got through the day at work, which was a bit difficult seeing as I didn't feel well at all throughout the day. I just wanted to push through it and not be one of those annoying pregnant women who like to make excuses to leave work because they're not feeling well. Soon it was time to leave work and I decided to go to Walmart to pick up a few groceries for the house since my husband was coming home from a 2 week field project the next day. I decided to push through the pain, even though I so badly wanted to just sit down and relax, I knew I had to get a few things for the following day so that I could enjoy my husband being home rather than worrying about not having food in the house. Anyway, the whole time I was there I was having pain, thinking that it could possibly be contractions but it wasn't that tightening feeling I had heard about, or it wasn't every so often I'd feel the pain. It was a constant pain in my lower back and every now and then a pain in my lower abdomen. I got through it and after I checked out, I went to the restroom because I felt a huge amount of wetness in my underwear. When I went to check, there was bloody mucus. The midwife also told me I'd see some blood, too, so I wasn't too worried at this point. I just wanted to get home, put the groceries away, and relax for the rest of the night.
I finally got home and put the groceries away. It wasn't an easy task. I almost called my mom and asked her to come take them out of the car for me and put them away. I was hurting a good amount. I finally got them put away and laid down in bed to relax. By this time it was about 7pm and the presidential elections were going on. While I was laying there in bed, watching the votes fly in, I felt this strange pain that I had been feeling all day, getting worse. I now know that these pains were contractions. I timed them, they were 11 minutes apart. I didn't think anything of it, I didn't have the tightening like I thought I would. I decided to monitor these contractions over the course of the evening. I had 5 of them in about 2 hours. It made me wonder about going into labor and delivery. I toughed it out and fell asleep before finding out who won the presidential election. I woke up several times having contractions. At 4am, November 7th, something told me that it just want not right and it was too painful for it to just be from the cervix check. I decided to take a hot shower and get my clothes on and head to L&D to be checked out.
At 4:45am, November 7th, I was put on the monitors for contractions and baby's heartbeat. The contraction monitor was WAY too high on my stomach (I didn't know this during the time) to detect contractions and the nurse was baffled by the pain I had described to her. I decided to call my mom to let her know that I may not be going to work after all is said and done. She showed up around 5am. After about 30 minutes of monitoring, the nurse took me to the exam room to check my cervix and, again, check for infections. My mom stayed in the waiting room. I laid on the hard table bed, still having contractions. She checked to see if my water had broken, and it did not. She then checked for infections, there weren't any. Finally, she checked my cervix. She didn't say anything to me. She just said she was going to get the doctor and I was in there with another nurse who was doing something else, I just don't remember. The doctor came in, checked my cervix, talked to the nurse, and looked VERY sleepy like he had just woken up. I kind of questioned his professionalism due to how tired he looked. I'm not going to lie, I didn't like him too much. Anyway, the nurses left and he and the doctor and I were left in the room together. He sighed really deep and and looked at me straight in the face and said, "You're 4 cm dilated and your water is bulging." Cue the freaked out moment of silence from me, laying there all alone. After hearing him, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. The doctor then explained that he needed me to stay still, and that my water could break at any point and he didn't want that to happen. I then asked him to get my mom to come in the exam room. She came in and I had tears in my eyes and could barely explain to her what was going on. I told her to call my husband and to make him come to the hospital and out of the field as soon as he could. By this time, it was about 5:30 am. The doctor gave me an ultrasound to check on the baby's position. After looking at the ultrasound for several seconds, he announced that my baby boy was breech and that I would need a C-section, and probably very soon. Cue even more tears streaming down my face. My worst fears were coming true, a possibility of losing my baby, and having to get a c-section. I was terrified. I felt like it was a bad dream. I needed my husband. I sucked up the tears and just prayed to God for our little boy to be okay, and to come out breathing.
The nurses told me to stay put on the hard exam bed/table. They went and got a gurney and put it right by the door so I didn't have to walk far to get into the bed. The nurses practically picked me up and put me into the bed, and told me not to use ANY of my abdominal muscles. The road me down the hallway and into a L&D room. They put me pretty much upside-down, to take the pressure off my uterus/bag of water. They hooked me up to some IV medication to try to stop my contractions (at this point they KNEW they had done something wrong while they monitored me by not putting the monitor low enough on my belly to). My contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart. I remember the magnesium made my chest feel really hot. The contractions were getting worse. My husband finally showed up at around 6:20am. He was dirty from being in the field. He looked like he had not slept in about a month, and he was just baffled by the situation. He leaned in to kiss me and told me everything was going to be okay. He then went to the bathroom to wash his face and at least some of his body. My contractions kept getting worse. Really horrible lower back contractions. Then, all of a sudden I felt this major pain in my groin ligaments. It hurt SO BAD. I wanted to scream. I kept saying "It hurts, I'm so scared, It hurts!" My mom and my husband started rubbing my groin area and it was the best feeling I had ever felt!!! LOL... I will never forget that pain. The doctor came in at around 7:45am and checked my cervix. I had continued to dilate and I was going pretty fast. He gave me the option of giving birth hear and medi-flighting the baby to the NICU in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma OR to just medi-fllight me, while in labor, to the city. But if it were going to be just me, and my water would have broke while on the flight, the baby would possibly not make it. So we decided to just do the c-section there at the hospital and medi-flight Henry to OKC. We headed into the delivery room at around 8:15am and the doctors moved me from the bed to the operating table. Remember, I wasn't allowed to use my abdomen? They did the spinal while I was laying on my side because they didn't want me to be sitting up and to risk me breaking my water. It was the strangest thing ever! Then they flipped my body back onto my back and put the curtain below my neck so I couldn't see anything. I laid there listening to the surroundings. My husband finally got to come in. I tried to move my legs and couldn't. It almost made me feel like I was going to freak out. I stayed calm and made my own little noises to calm me down. I almost felt like I was meditating. I also remember every now and again saying, "God is good!! My baby is going to be okay, please let him be okay!" I repeated that several times, and continuing to moan to remember to breathe, plus it calmed me down. I then heard, "incision made, water's clear." I praised the lord for that. Then, after a few moments, the doctor said "time 9:17am" and I heard my sweet baby boy cry his first little cry. Then a few seconds later he cried again. They wheeled him by and took him away. They fixed me back up and rolled me back to my L&D room. I was so scared that something was going to happen to him. I begged God to keep him here on earth with us and to help him be healthy. I still kept saying, "I am so scared." After all we had been through to get him, we finally had our son, but why were we put in this situation? God knows the reason and we will find out sooner or later. After they rolled me back to my room, my husband left shortly after so they he could go home and change clothes, get some things together, and head up to OKC so that he could be there when Henry got there on the medi-flight. My mom went with him. My sister stayed at the hospital with me. The whole day I wondered how in the world could something like this happen? This was not the way it was supposed to go. But I thanked the Lord so many times and was so happy that my son came out alive and breathing. I saw him for the first time on his Birthday at around 2:30pm, right before they put him on the medi-flight to OKC. I touched his little hands and foot. I prayed that he would make it on the flight, and he did. A couple of days later I was discharged from the hospital to be with my two special boys. And that's the begining of our family story. I pray that there are many, many years to come. We will celebrate the milestones, each day/hour at a time!
 |
| Thanksgiving 2012 |
 |
| Thanksgiving 2012 |
 |
| November 30th, 2012 Mommy's first kangaroo care!!! |
 |
| December 2nd, 2012 Daddy's first kangaroo care!! |
 |
| Daddy taking Henry's temperature during hands on! |
 |
| Sweet little Henry on November 29th, 2012 |
Monday, November 12, 2012
Henry Joseph was born at 25w2d
November 7th, 2012 at 9:16am weighing 2.2 lbs and 13.5 inches long.
He is doing well at Oklahoma University Children's Medical Center NICU. We need lots of prayers. I will post his birth story when I am not so doped up on meds. I did have a c-section. But he is here, being a little fighter. He is so sweet. Please pray for us!
He is doing well at Oklahoma University Children's Medical Center NICU. We need lots of prayers. I will post his birth story when I am not so doped up on meds. I did have a c-section. But he is here, being a little fighter. He is so sweet. Please pray for us!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Week 24 VIABILITY!!!! Weigh In
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 23: 190.4 (+3 lbs) (196 at OB with clothes on)
Week 24: 193.4 (+3 lbs) eeeek!
Total gain: 22.2 lbs
At this point I'm more excited to be at the viability point than anything!!!!! Of course baby boy needs to stay in there for at LEAST another 13 weeks. But I am so elated that this little boy is ours and he is growing just as he should. Each week that passes just makes me more and more excited to meet him and to see who he looks more like! I'm guessing he is going to be a spitting image of his daddy, but maybe with blond hair. We will see! And the weight gain....BLAH on you poor metabolism AND you horrible cravings for milkshakes and kool-aid! ARG....
We have his nursery furniture, bedding, floor gym, bumbo seat, and several outfits so far. Over Thanksgiving break we plan to paint his room and put a decal up with his name. I can't wait to see the finished product!
We also have some fun things going on, between holidays! December 2nd is our maternity shoot. Hubby's cousin is doing it for us. The shoot will include maternity AND a newborn session for after baby is born. I can't wait! Then on December 8th we are having our FIRST baby shower! Holy crap, it's just around the corner! Before we know it, it will be time for little boy to enter the world and I can't wait to kiss his sweet face!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Week 23 Pregnancy Weigh In
Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 23: 190.4 (+3 lbs) (196 at OB with clothes on)
Total gain: 19.2 lbs
I over-indulged! Eeekk! Back on to small snacks and small meals this week.
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 23: 190.4 (+3 lbs) (196 at OB with clothes on)
Total gain: 19.2 lbs
I over-indulged! Eeekk! Back on to small snacks and small meals this week.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Just a little emotional...
So I haven't made a complete post about this pregnancy besides my weigh-in's or anything fertility related in a LONG time. I've been reading a couple of blogs and Alecia at Infertile Baby Dreamer posted a blog entry today that really made my emotions for infertility come out. I could not stop crying reading her post.
I feel like there's a reason why all of these things happen to so many women. Realizing you get into a routine when it comes to TTC and time passes and it just becomes your life. You don't have to remember to do something. You just automatically do it, like taking your temperature, updating your chart, or taking that pregnancy test at 8dpo because you want to know ASAP if you're pregnant or not. Countless days of googling different information on how to help you become pregnant and stay that way for 9 happy months. Having intercourse with your husband/SO becomes routine and not romantic. There's not fore play. There's not much kissing or feeling. You lay there just waiting for the sperm to get where you want them to be. It's not enjoyable. It's not how you pictured you'd feel while making a child.
I have had a great amount of time to think about this pregnancy. For the first 15 weeks I put it in the back of my head. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up. After having 2 crazy bleeding episodes and feeling like it was all over before 8 weeks, it scared the crap out of me. I thought it was all over. I thought I was going to have to keep waiting for our perfect miracle. Well, to my surprise, we're not starting over. We're still in this game. This little boy is growing and each and every week that goes by I feel more and more nervous about his existence. I know I will be a great mother. I know everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I just can't help but to think back at all the difficult times we faced. All of the tears, worry, and prayers we sent up. Our prayers were answered and I am reminded every day from this growing belly with a little boy inside who loves to kick and stretch out to the max. My love for him is beyond what I ever expected.
I just want each and every person who reads this to know that you are never alone in your infertility journey. There are lots of women out there who do the same thing you do each and every day. And just because one infertile gets pregnant and you don't, it doesn't mean that infertile is any different than you. The went through the struggle for a reason, just like you're going through it today. It's a long hard road with lots of tears and thoughts that consume your mind every waking minute of every day! There will never be a day that I do not appreciate each and every infertile I have met along the way. There will never be a day that I do not look into my childs eyes and think of how long it took for us to make this beautiful blessing. To hold him in my arms and watch him cry, through every pain-staking minute of parenting, I will forever realize that I am truly blessed. Your time will come and when it does, you will be so overwhelmed that you will not even know how to process these feelings.
From my BFP, to the first ultrasound, to finding out he is a boy and that he is perfect.... it is all like a dream. A dream I hope to never wake up from. And it's so magical.... I think God every day for guiding me through it all. Even in my new uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. It's all a blessing and I am so excited to share it with the world!!!
I feel like there's a reason why all of these things happen to so many women. Realizing you get into a routine when it comes to TTC and time passes and it just becomes your life. You don't have to remember to do something. You just automatically do it, like taking your temperature, updating your chart, or taking that pregnancy test at 8dpo because you want to know ASAP if you're pregnant or not. Countless days of googling different information on how to help you become pregnant and stay that way for 9 happy months. Having intercourse with your husband/SO becomes routine and not romantic. There's not fore play. There's not much kissing or feeling. You lay there just waiting for the sperm to get where you want them to be. It's not enjoyable. It's not how you pictured you'd feel while making a child.
I have had a great amount of time to think about this pregnancy. For the first 15 weeks I put it in the back of my head. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up. After having 2 crazy bleeding episodes and feeling like it was all over before 8 weeks, it scared the crap out of me. I thought it was all over. I thought I was going to have to keep waiting for our perfect miracle. Well, to my surprise, we're not starting over. We're still in this game. This little boy is growing and each and every week that goes by I feel more and more nervous about his existence. I know I will be a great mother. I know everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I just can't help but to think back at all the difficult times we faced. All of the tears, worry, and prayers we sent up. Our prayers were answered and I am reminded every day from this growing belly with a little boy inside who loves to kick and stretch out to the max. My love for him is beyond what I ever expected.
I just want each and every person who reads this to know that you are never alone in your infertility journey. There are lots of women out there who do the same thing you do each and every day. And just because one infertile gets pregnant and you don't, it doesn't mean that infertile is any different than you. The went through the struggle for a reason, just like you're going through it today. It's a long hard road with lots of tears and thoughts that consume your mind every waking minute of every day! There will never be a day that I do not appreciate each and every infertile I have met along the way. There will never be a day that I do not look into my childs eyes and think of how long it took for us to make this beautiful blessing. To hold him in my arms and watch him cry, through every pain-staking minute of parenting, I will forever realize that I am truly blessed. Your time will come and when it does, you will be so overwhelmed that you will not even know how to process these feelings.
From my BFP, to the first ultrasound, to finding out he is a boy and that he is perfect.... it is all like a dream. A dream I hope to never wake up from. And it's so magical.... I think God every day for guiding me through it all. Even in my new uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. It's all a blessing and I am so excited to share it with the world!!!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Pregnancy Weigh In Week 22
Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Total gain: 16.2 lbs
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Total gain: 16.2 lbs
Monday, October 8, 2012
Pregnancy Weigh In and Anatomy Scan update!
Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Total gain: 16.8 lbs
Update on Anatomy scan.... HE IS PERFECT! Growing a big boy in there. He is about 2 weeks ahead. He's going to be a big boy like his daddy! :)
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Total gain: 16.8 lbs
Update on Anatomy scan.... HE IS PERFECT! Growing a big boy in there. He is about 2 weeks ahead. He's going to be a big boy like his daddy! :)
Monday, October 1, 2012
Pregnancy Weigh In - HALF BAKED!!!
Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Total gain: 17.4 lbs
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Total gain: 17.4 lbs
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)