Emotions!

So reading blogs have been my go-to place for me to feel like I can keep my sanity by getting hope from other bloggers who are dealing with infertility. Well today I came across 2 blogs which revealed 2 BFN's. Reading this has made me feel like this cycle will be a bust. I have been so positive until reading those blogs. I feel like this journey will never end. I just want to crawl up and sleep until I am finally pregnant. I don't like to deal with this emotional pain from not being pregnant yet. I beat myself up all the while I am trying to stay positive. I just feel like it will never happen. And I do have my faith in God. I know he wont put me though more than I can handle. I know we will be blessed one day but the thought of it never happening has really got me upset tonight. It's so quiet in my house. I want to be chasing children and changing diapers. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to a crying new born and be able to comfort him/her. I guess this time of month I always feel this way. But something about this month has pushed the wrong button today. I feel okay on the inside, but something just doesn't feel right. I really wish I could live a normal life without stressing and obsessing about all things pregnancy/baby related. I hate the fact that when I see an infant I make myself put a smile on and tell myself that it will happen some day. I want to genuinely be excited for other people who are expecting, or have recently given birth. I am so tired of being envious or jealous of them. I am not that kind of person. I don't like to feel this way!

God, please heal my lady parts and please, for everything I have, give us a positive pregnancy and beta test this month. I am grateful for all you have done already, but we are missing this one last piece to our puzzle. I hope you find it and place it correctly. I know you will in time. Amen!