New Cycle, New hope

So August 14th AF came to visit and she has since left. :) Hopefully for 9 months! I was really bummed about this and have had several bummed days because a couple friends have come up pregnant recently. I can't help but be jealous of them. I spend lots of my time on blogs just reading about other womens success. I just don't know how to feel right now. My RE is having me come in for a follie check on CD 13, September 26th. He also ordered another HCG trigger for me? I don't know why he did this but I will for sure find out. You know, since I'm not taking any other meds. I feel like the appointment will be for nothing but checking my prolactin, thyroid, and vitamin D levels. I already know my follies wont be ready to trigger, so why bother, you know? But I have to stay hopeful. I guess my dr knows what he's doing so I should just trust him. I know I have been distant for the past 2 weeks but it is just so hard to type about something I am so upset about. I had a good cry on DH's shoulders when he got home from the field the day AF came to town. It just really sucked.... But I will move on to this wonderful cycle in hopes that it will be the magical one! :D

On a good note, I got a job. Working as a teachers assistant in a 3rd grade classroom. I'm excited about this. At the same time, I was a little nervous to tell the previous employer that I would not be working for them when they need me in October. I need a job NOW, not 3 weeks from now. It was a little sad to tell them, because I have had a good relationship with them since my mom started working there almost 14 years ago. They watched me grow up into a woman, get married, and live the adult lifestyle. :D

We have decided we are going to do IUI if we don't get pregnant by tax time next year. And if we have enough funds and don't fall pregnant in 2012, we will do IVF in the summer of 2013. I am very excited about this new hope. It's not over yet and we will get our miracle baby soon!

8dpo

Yeah, 10 days passed trigger shot. Took a test and, dun dun dun, it's out of my system(BFN)! So now when I get my wondfo tests from amazon, I can definitely go crazy peeing! :) Nothing new really besides a friend of mine IRL just got her period today. AHHHH!@#!@#% for her. :( I'm just so frustrated. But last night I came across a scripture in the book Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado.

God's Good Timing
"God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he wull not be slow to answer them." Luke 18:7

I was having a hard time sleeping last night because my husband went to the field for a week and it was just me, Chloe, and Andy. I needed some inspiration and to keep my faith going of God. This passage is so helpful. I know that even though this cycle could possibly be a bust, God knows when the time is right and although we feel like the time should be now, it's not about what time we want it to happen in. He makes that choice and He will bless us when his time is right! I cry out to him every day to heal my body and I keep the hope alive by reading the word of the Bible. It gives me a good feeling inside to know that God will one day, in time, give us what we have been waiting for, for so long.

So these next 3-4 days are going to be long and boring. I ordered my wondfo tests and they should be here on Monday or Tuesday. I got 50 of them! Hahaha SoI am going to try not to stress about anything.

I do feel like I should wait to test until next Wednesday because that's when my husband will be home from the field. My sisters birthday is on Tuesday. We will see what happens. My LP is usually 12 or so days long. So that would make AF come on her birthday. I pray she stays away for 9 months because of pregnancy! :P

Emotions!

So reading blogs have been my go-to place for me to feel like I can keep my sanity by getting hope from other bloggers who are dealing with infertility. Well today I came across 2 blogs which revealed 2 BFN's. Reading this has made me feel like this cycle will be a bust. I have been so positive until reading those blogs. I feel like this journey will never end. I just want to crawl up and sleep until I am finally pregnant. I don't like to deal with this emotional pain from not being pregnant yet. I beat myself up all the while I am trying to stay positive. I just feel like it will never happen. And I do have my faith in God. I know he wont put me though more than I can handle. I know we will be blessed one day but the thought of it never happening has really got me upset tonight. It's so quiet in my house. I want to be chasing children and changing diapers. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to a crying new born and be able to comfort him/her. I guess this time of month I always feel this way. But something about this month has pushed the wrong button today. I feel okay on the inside, but something just doesn't feel right. I really wish I could live a normal life without stressing and obsessing about all things pregnancy/baby related. I hate the fact that when I see an infant I make myself put a smile on and tell myself that it will happen some day. I want to genuinely be excited for other people who are expecting, or have recently given birth. I am so tired of being envious or jealous of them. I am not that kind of person. I don't like to feel this way!

God, please heal my lady parts and please, for everything I have, give us a positive pregnancy and beta test this month. I am grateful for all you have done already, but we are missing this one last piece to our puzzle. I hope you find it and place it correctly. I know you will in time. Amen!

Almost into the second week of waiting!

5 dpo! It's been going by pretty quickly. I try not to think about what dpo it is, but it never fails! I am supposed to be testing on my sisters birthday, September 13th unless AF shows her ugly head. I have a really good feeling about this month though. But if the outcome is not what I would like, I will keep pushing on. No giving up here! Determined to bring a baby into our family! I can't wait! thank you, God for blessing my husband and I with a good outlook on life! We are just missing one huge thing! Praying you have given it to us and that today you make that little embryo implant into my uterus wall, snug as a bug in a rug! We will see.... Happy Labor Day, people! :)