Our TTC Journey

Saturday, July 28, 2012


When pregnant women said their dreams are very vivid, I never thought I'd get the chance to have those crazy "vivid" dreams. It was hard for me to even get the idea of being pregnant in my head.

Well, these vivid dreams come every night. Sometimes several dreams a night. The last one was the weirdest. My dream felt so real, that I jumped in front of a car to see if it was really a dream or not. Well, apparently it was just a dream because I woke up in a state of relief when I didn't have any bruises from being ran over. I just hope tonight's dreams are more pleasant. I'm perplexed by this symptom of pregnancy. It is just INSANE. And I remember pretty much every detail and person that's in these dreams. One night I dreamed that I gave birth to a baby boy and her turned into a kitten. Really? A kitten? How much crazier can it get? lol

Monday, July 23, 2012

*10 WEEKS*

 Lilypie Maternity tickers

How far along: 10 weeks!
How big is baby this week: The size of a prune!

Total weight gain: 4.4 lb

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: Sleeping perfectly! So glad it's summer so I can sleep whenever I want! :)

Best moment this week: The excitement that in 3 more weeks we will be in second trimester!

Miss anything: Being able to control food temptations! I have a really bad cake craving right now. :/

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: Cake, pickles, and french fries.

Anything making you queasy or sick: The sickness is going away for the most part. I can eat normally without feeling sick.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, gas, bloating.

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: On most of the time.

Mood: Really excited to hit DOUBLE DIGITS!!!!

Looking forward to: In 7 days we will be seeing baby again! I can't wait. We're also going to go public on Facebook if all goes well! :)

Anything else?: So glad I get to stop taking the Crinone supplements. So tired of seeing gunk in my underwear daily. LOL

Pregnancy Weigh-In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6

Total pregnancy gain: 4.4 lbs

Not too bad for last week. My goal for this week is to stay the same. 

Friday, July 20, 2012


I'm not sure how I'm going to type all my thoughts into this once post. I've been wanting to make a post for a while about how I'm feeling about this pregnancy. Today I am 9 weeks 4 days pregnant. I am very, very happy to have come this far.

Some days I feel like this isn't my life. I feel like I'm just an impostor. I just can't imagine us at this time having a baby. After so long waiting, praying, and believing that it would one day happen, it's finally happening. I feel so strange. Now that we're pregnant, I feel like we should feel comfortable and ready to have this child. Well, that's not what I'm feeling. I'm constantly worried that my baby will not have a heartbeat tomorrow, or the next day. I'm always feeling like the worst is going to be dropped on us. I do keep praying for God to help me continue into this pregnancy with peace of mind and to know that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.

I don't feel connected with this baby. Maybe I don't feel it yet because I am still in denial? Sometimes I just feel like I'm crazy.

Now that I'm pregnant, what is my life going to be like when the baby comes? I wont be obsessing over TTC. What will consume my mind? Well, I'm sure it will be the baby. It's such a strange thing to go through. Pregnancy after infertility.... you just don't know how to process pregnancy and having a child because you shoved that idea into the back of your mind for such a long time it's hard to dig it out.

Not much more to say. My emotions are just all over the place. I literally feel like I'm going to go insane one of these days. Hmmm....

Monday, July 16, 2012

Pregnancy Weigh-In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4

Total pregnancy gain: 4.2 lbs

EEEEEKKK. I am so hungry all the time. I need to stop indulging.  :( And I need to not forget to track. At the rate I'm going, I'll be up 40 lbs by the time baby is born. OH DEAR.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

100th post!!!

To celebrate, I decided to use my doppler today to see if I could find the baby's heartbeat.


Today at 8w3d I FOUND IT! After searching for 15 minutes and about to give up, I finally found it. Such a sweet sound. It's so surreal. It was about 170bpm. I am so thrilled! I can't wait for hubby to hear it, too! :)

Friday, July 6, 2012


Ultrasound this morning went fabulous! Baby measured one day ahead at 7 weeks 5 days. Heartbeat was 164. The gestational sac was one day behind, but RE said everything looked normal! We couldn't be more excited! Bleeding has come to a hault but I don't think it will be the last of it as long as I'm on this progesterone gel. 2 and a half weeks left... oh dear Lord please help me through this! My next appointment and hopefully ultrasound is the 30th, a little over 3 weeks away. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get through 3 whole weeks without seeing our little one. Hopefully by 9.5 weeks we will be able to hear the hb on our doppler.

Our little alien peanut....

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Another Bleeding Episode

Cue very huge sad face!

Last night we were waiting in the line to buy fireworks. I had to pee, so I decided to walk to the nearest gas station (a very small walk away). While on my way to go pee, I felt a gush down there. I figured it was just come crazy pregnancy CM that I've been having sometimes. I get to the bathroom, pull down my shorts and panties, and my panties and shorts are filled with red blood. I didn't freak out. I also did not have my cell phone to relay the news. I was like "Great, the one time I decide to leave my phone in the car!" I was horrified by the fact that I had to leave the gas station with blood ALL OVER my sorts. I tried to walk as fast as I could out of the store with my legs as closed as possible. I don't think anyone saw me. Thank the good Lord it was dark outside. I calmly walk to the car thinking, "Really??? Is this REALLY happening on a HOLIDAY??" I jump in the car where my mom and sister are at. My husband was still standing in line for fireworks. I plop myself in the back seat and say, "I have bad news." My mom looked back at me and I opened my legs to she her the blood all over my shorts. I told her to get my husband and tell him we're going home. She did, and we left. When we got to my house I went straight to the bathroom, took my clothes off, and sat on the toilet. I just sat there and balled my eyes out. Blood was dripping from me into the toilet. I heard a loud splash in the toilet and just KNEW this wasn't good. I looked in the toilet but did not see any clots or tissue. I wasn't in any pain at all.

To make a long story short, I decided to go to sleep to see if my bleeding continued  through the night. The OB office told me the last time I was there that if you start bleeding, you have to go to the ER if you are not passed 20 weeks yet. Being 7 weeks 2 days yesterday, my only choice was to go to the ER. Well, I knew the ER would laugh at me. They told me to not come in unless I was in pain/or bleeding through 2 pads an hour. I decided to sleep on it. This morning I decided to call my RE and ask if he could move my 8 week appointment to tomorrow and they did. I will be having an u/s tomorrow morning at 8am. I'm terrified, but since my bleeding has stopped and it's not just tinted brown every time I wipe, I feel better. It's almost how the last bleeding episode happened, just with a huge gush of blood instead of wiping only pink. Either way this goes, I am so blessed by God. We can get pregnant naturally. Of course I want this little baby to stay put. But if God decided that it wasn't time for us yet again, then I'm 100% behind every choice made by Him. I just pray that He keeps little bean healthy and really sticky in my uterus. Praying that we see growth and an amazing little heartbeat tomorrow morning. Tonight is going to be VERY difficult.... I hope I'll be able to sleep.

Oh, I think the bleeding episode was caused by my crinone gel. I've been getting HUGE buildups of gray clumpy material. I know it's the gel. I just wonder if the gel is the culprit? The buildup could have caused my cervix to be irritated. I don't know, but I am praying that all is well and we can move on from the horrible night last night!

Monday, July 2, 2012

7 weeks!

How far along: 7 weeks!
Total weight gain: 2.4 lbs :(
Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.
Sleep: I have been so exhausted, still. Sleep screams at me at around 2pm to take a nap!
Best moment this week: Telling our family that we're pregnant!!! :) And we also had a small group meeting at our OB clinic. Our first OB appointment is on July 30th! Really exciting!! I'll be 11 weeks by then!
Miss anything: Not feeling hungry all the time! lol
Movement: Too early!
Food cravings: Not yet.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating too much at one time. I really need to learn how to do several small means throughout the day!
Symptoms: Exhaustion, Nausea, bloating, and gas!
Belly button: Innie
Weddings rings: ON!
Mood: On top of the biggest cloud 9 you've ever seen!
Looking forward to: Week 8! We have our second u/s with the RE.
Anything else?: Can this next 7 days fly by so we can see our bean again? I'm so nervous and excited!