I'm not sure how I'm going to type all my thoughts into this once post. I've been wanting to make a post for a while about how I'm feeling about this pregnancy. Today I am 9 weeks 4 days pregnant. I am very, very happy to have come this far.
Some days I feel like this isn't my life. I feel like I'm just an impostor. I just can't imagine us at this time having a baby. After so long waiting, praying, and believing that it would one day happen, it's finally happening. I feel so strange. Now that we're pregnant, I feel like we should feel comfortable and ready to have this child. Well, that's not what I'm feeling. I'm constantly worried that my baby will not have a heartbeat tomorrow, or the next day. I'm always feeling like the worst is going to be dropped on us. I do keep praying for God to help me continue into this pregnancy with peace of mind and to know that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.
I don't feel connected with this baby. Maybe I don't feel it yet because I am still in denial? Sometimes I just feel like I'm crazy.
Now that I'm pregnant, what is my life going to be like when the baby comes? I wont be obsessing over TTC. What will consume my mind? Well, I'm sure it will be the baby. It's such a strange thing to go through. Pregnancy after infertility.... you just don't know how to process pregnancy and having a child because you shoved that idea into the back of your mind for such a long time it's hard to dig it out.
Not much more to say. My emotions are just all over the place. I literally feel like I'm going to go insane one of these days. Hmmm....