Our TTC Journey

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

When will we catch a break?

AF came. My husband is being deployed in the middle of April. We have ONE cycle left. I called my RE to ask about freezing sperm for IUI in possibly August or September. He said no, they don't do that. Only for situations with patients who have cancer and are going to undergo some type of therapy. In my oppinion, I don't understand why they would even do that. I get that people want children. I totally understand that. But what is so different about our situation that you won't do it for us? I know this RE sees TONS of military couples. I'm surprised the nurse had to even ask the RE to see if he could do it. So...there you have it. We will NOT being doing IUI in August/September with frozen sperm. We will NOT have a baby until at least October of 2013. Ugh. My heart is shattered and I am overwhelmed by the disappointment right now. I let the flood gates open after that call from the RE. I have already been through this waiting thing before. I waited 6 months to do any treatments. I worked so hard, lost 80 lbs, and nothing has shown for it but my health. I am not complaining, because I did a darn good job with losing weight. And now, I sit with a soggy face and eyes. I sit here dwelling on the fact that I have to wait even longer than we had thought. I sit here, trying to find some sort of positivity about our situation. And my heart is broken into a million pieces. I just want to be normal again. When am I going to feel normal?

My plan, now, is to continue losing weight. I am going to lose 40 lbs while he is gone. I am 176 right now. So that would make me 136 lbs at my goal. I might even push it and lose 47 lbs. I have to have something to keep me motivated through this deployment. I guess this means that my blog will now be turned into a weight loss blog instead of an infertility blog? And maybe, just maybe, that is what my body needs to get pregnant on it's own. For me to shed all this extra weight. To get rid of this evil stuff that makes me so self conscious. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to get this deployment over with. :(

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for your comment on my blog. It meant a great deal to me. My best friend is also a military wife,and I have so much admiration for all of the military wives out there- especially those who are left at home while their loved ones are deployed. My heart goes out to you.

    I am so sorry that the RE won't consider freezing sperm. This seems truly unfair to me. It doesn't seem like this would be too much to ask. You will be in my thoughts in the coming months and I look forward to reading about your weight loss- something I also need to work on!