Our TTC Journey

Sunday, April 15, 2012

IUI #2 and thoughts

I've been thinking about this cycle quite a bit in the past few days. It seems to have slowed down to a halt since I've been thinking about it more than I was last cycle. I think it's because I am a ball of nerves. I just want to get it over and done with so I can see if it works or not. But at the same time, if my husband has to deploy on short notice, I will be a little upset. But, we have talked about if we do get pregnant, it will be okay for me to go through it all alone. That means a positive pregnancy test, going through the first trimester, missing the baby bump, ultrasounds, shopping for the nursery, and finally the birth and the first month of baby's life. He came to me and actually said that it is okay and he is fine with being gone for all of it. I would like to say I am fully, 100% fine with it as well, but I'm not. I want to go through the process with him. I want our baby to know his/her daddy's voice and feel his touch from the inside of me. I want to feel my husband feel for the baby. I want to be able to walk in public, go to the store with my husband and a pregnant belly. I want to admire my husband admiring our son or daughter from the womb. It is hard to say what will happen, only God knows. And only God knows what we can and can't handle. I just pray that he takes it easy on us. I am trying my hardest NOT to obsess. I am trying so hard to try to push these thoughts out of my mind but all they do is consume it. I'm anxious, nervous, excited, and scared that it wont work. I know we will get our baby one way or the other. I just have to keep praying.

The dates stand as to this:

April 20: Follie scan
April 25: estimated trigger shot
April 27: estimated IUI

If they fall in order as to the above, baby's due date will be January 18th, 2013.

I know it's not good luck to look that far ahead, but I'm trying so hard to be positive and not let any bad thoughts go through my head. Like I said, God knows the future. God knows what and when things will happen. I put all my trust in him.

I just ask you to pray for me if you're reading this. It's been a very long hard road. I'm ready to build our family. 3.5 years of waiting, wishing, and praying is quite some time.


  1. We had the same chats in our home more then once (deployment number three just ended since we started this journey) and although neither of us wanted him to miss one moment we knew that we couldn't put our lives on hold anymore. We made the decision to keep moving forward during this last deployment. And although there were moments when I questioned what I got myself into (nightly injections and daily drives over an hour away with no family around) it all worked out in the end. Technology has changed so much and allows us to bring our loved ones home when we need them most or for us to send them what they need in their dark moments. I know that looking back we wouldn't change the decision to move forward .... and I know that you'll find the answer the works best for you and your hubby! Keeping you on my wishes and hopes list for a positive outcome!!

  2. Crossing my fingers for you. I won't be to far behind you. Today is CD1. Hopefully you are starting the good news. :)