Our TTC Journey

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

God, please help.

So I spend an excessive amount of time on the webside Two Week Wait. I lurk the site quite a bit and often times leave comments to posts and even post as well.

Well recently I have been coming across a lady whose name is Lisa. I know she doesn't know me well, and I know this probably seems stalker-ish, but I don't care. Well, I had remembered she had a follow up appointment today with her doctor about her autoimmune test results. So I decided to go to her blog to see if she mentioned anything about it. Come to find out, she did. And it was devastating news. The worst she could have ever imagined. Let's just say their only chance of having a child of their own is by using a surrogate, or doing some specialized IVF that have a very LOW chance of even working. My heart is broken to pieces. When I used to lurk TWW in 2009(before I became obsessed) I remember seeing her posting on people's questions, and POAS pictures. That was 2 YEARS AGO! This just breaks my heart even more. To have to wait SO LONG and try SO HARD to get that one thing you hoped and prayed for, for so long, for it to all be a dream unable to come true.

Now this may sound selfish, but I pray to God that something like this never happens to my husband and I. I can only imagine the tears I would cry, the depression, and all the heartache I would have. I pray, pray, and pray some more every night that God will bless all the infertile's out there with beautiful, bouncing babies. Even if it is adoption. God has a plan, He knows who can handle what. He know when to shine that light at the end of the tunnel. I always have to remind myself of this. But all I can think of in my head is that it is possible for this to happen to us. And that just leaves this fog in the back of my head. This makes me have the urge to have my RE test for the autoimmune disorders just in case, so we could get the news before we continue trying. I just would like to know what the heck is going on with my body that it is so hard for something to happen when EVERYTHING is right in timing. ~Prayers are much needed in this day of grief for Lisa and her husband. This is the least I can do for a complete stranger with disastrous news.

To turn you attention to some different news, today I have been feeling some throbbing pains throughout the day around my right ovary. I wonder if the clomid is making me have hugetastic follies? I only pray that since today is day 8, that I am not ovulating(which would be totally insane, but possible in every way). Why do I say this? Because, well, my husband is in the field for the next 2 days and the dancing will not being going on until at least Friday night. Horray for us? I don't know! I shouldn't worry though. I will know by Monday if my follies are crazy or not. Maybe I'm just the crazy one? But that throbbing feeling is something I don't think I have ever had. ~sigh~

On another note, I forgot to add in the post I made about my dentist appointment, etc. While I was waiting in the waiting room, I picked up a magazine, of which I forgot the name, and what was it all about? BABIES! BABIES! BABIES! Celeb babies, twins, nurseries, and toddlers wearing "best dressed" titles. GAG ME NOW! This was one of those EXTRA, PEOPLE, OR SEVENTEEN mags. I picked it up anyway. So I come across several twins, and very cute baby faces. I was so happy for all these people in this magazine to have conceived without worry of not being able to. ~sigh again~ What gives? I had to torture myself, right? So they finally called my name and I decided to put the magazine down and just FORGET that I picked it up. Congrats to all you celebs that can get pregnant by just drinking water. Way to go, you!!! :)

To add to this torture~

I was visiting my mom this evening since Scott (DH) is in the field for the next few days. We were watching the news. Then after the news there was a special Nightline/Dateline(whatever it's called on ABC) that came on about The Dougars and all their 20 million kids and their family friends The Bates, the other family with 20 million kids. God is trying to tell me something, right? I'm thinking it might be that these families are the ones who are baring our children and raising them for us? ~sigh triple~ Either that or that He's telling me by showing me so many babies and children's faces today that this will be our month? I am not quite sure, but we will find out in about 3 weeks. Alas, I will not fret, I will pray for good health of my womb and my husbands swimmers. Please, God, give us the miracle we've always dreamed of! :)

Still praying for Lisa, I am so completely devastated for her. ~sigh quadruple~


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