Our TTC Journey

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Running out of patience...

As this month passes, I get more anxious. I get antsy and when the end of each TWW rolls around I feel like a failure. I really hate feeling this way. What happened to my happy go-lucky attitude? It is just not there. I am still trying, slowly, to get over the chemical pregnancy. I find myself figuring out how far along I would have been every now and then. I just wish it would have ended better. I can't say that I wish it would have never happened because then I wouldn't have the knowledge that my body is capable of at least getting pregnant. I can't help but to have this ungodly feeling of defeat. My whole mind is wrapped around how scared I am for this next IUI and how I really don't want it to fail. I pray for my worried mind but these fears keep coming into my head. I know it's the devil trying to win. I just have to keep fighting him off. It isn't easy. I know this natural cycle is about to end because my temp dropped oddly it being 10dpo when normally it's quite high. I fully expect AF to be here by Monday. I am so very anxious to get this IUI done and to find out the results. Time is at still. Can I go to sleep then wake up and it be IUI hpt testing day? Come on, Shannon!!!! Where is your positivity??????? Please help me get it back!!!

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