Henry's new Facebook Page!

We decided to make a Facebook page for Henry. The link is Hope for Henry. If you have Facebook and would like to join, it's much appreciated! Henry needs all the love and support he can get! :)

Henry's Birth Story *VERY long!* and SPAM!

It all started on Monday, November 5th. I decided to go into labor and delivery after having tons of green and white mucus. I went in, they monitored me, checked my cervix, checked for infections, told me I was good to go and it was my "normal" and sent me on my way. I was not prepared for what would happen the next day.

November 6th, I woke up in the morning to go to work and I was a little crampy. The midwife at L&D told me that I would be a little crampy the day following the cervix check. I went to work and within the first 2 hours I started having these strange pains that would start in my stomach and move to my lower back, almost like a super bad period cramp. They came and went every now and then and I tried very hard to just ignore them, seeing as the midwife told me I'd probably be a bit crampy. I got through the day at work, which was a bit difficult seeing as I didn't feel well at all throughout the day. I just wanted to push through it and not be one of those annoying pregnant women who like to make excuses to leave work because they're not feeling well. Soon it was time to leave work and I decided to go to Walmart to pick up a few groceries for the house since my husband was coming home from a 2 week field project the next day. I decided to push through the pain, even though I so badly wanted to just sit down and relax, I knew I had to get a few things for the following day so that I could enjoy my husband being home rather than worrying about not having food in the house. Anyway, the whole time I was there I was having pain, thinking that it could possibly be contractions but it wasn't that tightening feeling I had heard about, or it wasn't every so often I'd feel the pain. It was a constant pain in my lower back and every now and then a pain in my lower abdomen. I got through it and after I checked out, I went to the restroom because I felt a huge amount of wetness in my underwear. When I went to check, there was bloody mucus. The midwife also told me I'd see some blood, too, so I wasn't too worried at this point. I just wanted to get home, put the groceries away, and relax for the rest of the night.

I finally got home and put the groceries away. It wasn't an easy task. I almost called my mom and asked her to come take them out of the car for me and put them away. I was hurting a good amount. I finally got them put away and laid down in bed to relax. By this time it was about 7pm and the presidential elections were going on. While I was laying there in bed, watching the votes fly in, I felt this strange pain that I had been feeling all day, getting worse. I now know that these pains were contractions. I timed them, they were 11 minutes apart. I didn't think anything of it, I didn't have the tightening like I thought I would. I decided to monitor these contractions over the course of the evening. I had 5 of them in about 2 hours. It made me wonder about going into labor and delivery. I toughed it out and fell asleep before finding out who won the presidential election. I woke up several times having contractions. At 4am, November 7th, something told me that it just want not right and it was too painful for it to just be from the cervix check. I decided to take a hot shower and get my clothes on and head to L&D to be checked out.

At 4:45am, November 7th, I was put on the monitors for contractions and baby's heartbeat. The contraction monitor was WAY too high on my stomach (I didn't know this during the time) to detect contractions and the nurse was baffled by the pain I had described to her. I decided to call my mom to let her know that I may not be going to work after all is said and done. She showed up around 5am. After about 30 minutes of monitoring, the nurse took me to the exam room to check my cervix and, again, check for infections. My mom stayed in the waiting room. I laid on the hard table bed, still having contractions. She checked to see if my water had broken, and it did not. She then checked for infections, there weren't any. Finally, she checked my cervix. She didn't say anything to me. She just said she was going to get the doctor and I was in there with another nurse who was doing something else, I just don't remember. The doctor came in, checked my cervix, talked to the nurse, and looked VERY sleepy like he had just woken up. I kind of questioned his professionalism due to how tired he looked. I'm not going to lie, I didn't like him too much. Anyway, the nurses left and he and the doctor and I were left in the room together. He sighed really deep and and looked at me straight in the face and said, "You're 4 cm dilated and your water is bulging." Cue the freaked out moment of silence from me, laying there all alone. After hearing him, I knew I wasn't going anywhere. The doctor then explained that he needed me to stay still, and that my water could break at any point and he didn't want that to happen. I then asked him to get my mom to come in the exam room. She came in and I had tears in my eyes and could barely explain to her what was going on. I told her to call my husband and to make him come to the hospital and out of the field as soon as he could. By this time, it was about 5:30 am.  The doctor gave me an ultrasound to check on the baby's position. After looking at the ultrasound for several seconds, he announced that my baby boy was breech and that I would need a C-section, and probably very soon. Cue even more tears streaming down my face. My worst fears were coming true, a possibility of losing my baby, and having to get a c-section. I was terrified. I felt like it was a bad dream. I needed my husband. I sucked up the tears and just prayed to God for our little boy to be okay, and to come out breathing.

The nurses told me to stay put on the hard exam bed/table. They went and got a gurney and put it right by the door so I didn't have to walk far to get into the bed. The nurses practically picked me up and put me into the bed, and told me not to use ANY of my abdominal muscles. The road me down the hallway and into a L&D room. They put me pretty much upside-down, to take the pressure off my uterus/bag of water. They hooked me up to some IV medication to try to stop my contractions (at this point they KNEW they had done something wrong while they monitored me by not putting the monitor low enough on my belly to). My contractions were coming 2-3 minutes apart. I remember the magnesium made my chest feel really hot. The contractions were getting worse. My husband finally showed up at around 6:20am. He was dirty from being in the field. He looked like he had not slept in about a month, and he was just baffled by the situation. He leaned in to kiss me and told me everything was going to be okay. He then went to the bathroom to wash his face and at least some of his body. My contractions kept getting worse. Really horrible lower back contractions. Then, all of a sudden I felt this major pain in my groin ligaments. It hurt SO BAD. I wanted to scream. I kept saying "It hurts, I'm so scared, It hurts!" My mom and my husband started rubbing my groin area and it was the best feeling I had ever felt!!! LOL... I will never forget that pain. The doctor came in at around 7:45am and checked my cervix. I had continued to dilate and I was going pretty fast. He gave me the option of giving birth hear and medi-flighting the baby to the NICU in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma OR to just medi-fllight me, while in labor, to the city. But if it were going to be just me, and my water would have broke while on the flight, the baby would possibly not make it. So we decided to just do the c-section there at the hospital and medi-flight Henry to OKC. We headed into the delivery room at around 8:15am and the doctors moved me from the bed to the operating table. Remember, I wasn't allowed to use my abdomen? They did the spinal while I was laying on my side because they didn't want me to be sitting up and to risk me breaking my water. It was the strangest thing ever! Then they flipped my body back onto my back and put the curtain below my neck so I couldn't see anything. I laid there listening to the surroundings. My husband finally got to come in. I tried to move my legs and couldn't. It almost made me feel like I was going to freak out. I stayed calm and made my own little noises to calm me down. I almost felt like I was meditating. I also remember every now and again saying, "God is good!! My baby is going to be okay, please let him be okay!" I repeated that several times, and continuing to moan to remember to breathe, plus it calmed me down. I then heard, "incision made, water's clear." I praised the lord for that. Then, after a few moments, the doctor said "time 9:17am" and I heard my sweet baby boy cry his first little cry. Then a few seconds later he cried again. They wheeled him by and took him away. They fixed me back up and rolled me back to my L&D room. I was so scared that something was going to happen to him. I begged God to keep him here on earth with us and to help him be healthy. I still kept saying, "I am so scared." After all we had been through to get him, we finally had our son, but why were we put in this situation? God knows the reason and we will find out sooner or later. After they rolled me back to my room, my husband left shortly after so they he could go home and change clothes, get some things together, and head up to OKC so that he could be there when Henry got there on the medi-flight. My mom went with him. My sister stayed at the hospital with me. The whole day I wondered how in the world could something like this happen? This was not the way it was supposed to go. But I thanked the Lord so many times and was so happy that my son came out alive and breathing. I saw him for the first time on his Birthday at around 2:30pm, right before they put him on the medi-flight to OKC. I touched his little hands and foot. I prayed that he would make it on the flight, and he did. A couple of days later I was discharged from the hospital to be with my two special boys. And that's the begining of our family story. I pray that there are many, many years to come. We will celebrate the milestones, each day/hour at a time!

Thanksgiving 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

November 30th, 2012 Mommy's first kangaroo care!!!

December 2nd, 2012 Daddy's first kangaroo care!!

Daddy taking Henry's temperature during hands on!

Sweet little Henry on November 29th, 2012

Henry Joseph was born at 25w2d

November 7th, 2012 at 9:16am weighing 2.2 lbs and 13.5 inches long.

He is doing well at Oklahoma University Children's Medical Center NICU. We need lots of prayers. I will post his birth story when I am not so doped up on meds. I did have a c-section. But he is here, being a little fighter. He is so sweet. Please pray for us!

Week 24 VIABILITY!!!! Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 23: 190.4 (+3 lbs) (196 at OB with clothes on)
Week 24: 193.4 (+3 lbs) eeeek!

Total gain:  22.2 lbs

At this point I'm more excited to be at the viability point than anything!!!!! Of course baby boy needs to stay in there for at LEAST another 13 weeks. But I am so elated that this little boy is ours and he is growing just as he should. Each week that passes just makes me more and more excited to meet him and to see who he looks more like! I'm guessing he is going to be a spitting image of his daddy, but maybe with blond hair. We will see! And the weight gain....BLAH on you poor metabolism AND you horrible cravings for milkshakes and kool-aid! ARG....

We have his nursery furniture, bedding, floor gym, bumbo seat, and several outfits so far. Over Thanksgiving break we plan to paint his room and put a decal up with his name. I can't wait to see the finished product!

We also have some fun things going on, between holidays! December 2nd is our maternity shoot. Hubby's cousin is doing it for us. The shoot will include maternity AND a newborn session for after baby is born. I can't wait! Then on December 8th we are having our FIRST baby shower! Holy crap, it's just around the corner! Before we know it, it will be time for little boy to enter the world and I can't wait to kiss his sweet face!

Week 23 Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 23: 190.4 (+3 lbs) (196 at OB with clothes on)

Total gain:  19.2 lbs

I over-indulged! Eeekk! Back on to small snacks and small meals this week.

Just a little emotional...

So I haven't made a complete post about this pregnancy besides my weigh-in's or anything fertility related in a LONG time. I've been reading a couple of blogs and Alecia at Infertile Baby Dreamer posted a blog entry today that really made my emotions for infertility come out. I could not stop crying reading her post.

I feel like there's a reason why all of these things happen to so many women. Realizing you get into a routine when it comes to TTC and time passes and it just becomes your life. You don't have to remember to do something. You just automatically do it, like taking your temperature, updating your chart, or taking that pregnancy test at 8dpo because you want to know ASAP if you're pregnant or not. Countless days of googling different information on how to help you become pregnant and stay that way for 9 happy months. Having intercourse with your husband/SO becomes routine and not romantic. There's not fore play. There's not much kissing or feeling. You lay there just waiting for the sperm to get where you want them to be. It's not enjoyable. It's not how you pictured you'd feel while making a child.

I have had a great amount of time to think about this pregnancy. For the first 15 weeks I put it in the back of my head. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up. After having 2 crazy bleeding episodes and feeling like it was all over before 8 weeks, it scared the crap out of me. I thought it was all over. I thought I was going to have to keep waiting for our perfect miracle. Well, to my surprise, we're not starting over. We're still in this game. This little boy is growing and each and every week that goes by I feel more and more nervous about his existence. I know I will be a great mother. I know everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I just can't help but to think back at all the difficult times we faced. All of the tears, worry, and prayers we sent up. Our prayers were answered and I am reminded every day from this growing belly with a little boy inside who loves to kick and stretch out to the max. My love for him is beyond what I ever expected.

I just want each and every person who reads this to know that you are never alone in your infertility journey. There are lots of women out there who do the same thing you do each and every day. And just because one infertile gets pregnant and you don't, it doesn't mean that infertile is any different than you. The went through the struggle for a reason, just like you're going through it today. It's a long hard road with lots of tears and thoughts that consume your mind every waking minute of every day! There will never be a day that I do not appreciate each and every infertile I have met along the way. There will never be a day that I do not look into my childs eyes and think of how long it took for us to make this beautiful blessing. To hold him in my arms and watch him cry, through every pain-staking minute of parenting, I will forever realize that I am truly blessed. Your time will come and when it does, you will be so overwhelmed that you will not even know how to process these feelings.

From my BFP, to the first ultrasound, to finding out he is a boy and that he is perfect.... it is all like a dream. A dream I hope to never wake up from. And it's so magical.... I think God every day for guiding me through it all. Even in my new uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. It's all a blessing and I am so excited to share it with the world!!!

Pregnancy Weigh In Week 22

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6 (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188 (-0.6 lbs)
Week 22: 187.4 (-0.6 lbs)

Total gain:  16.2 lbs

Pregnancy Weigh In and Anatomy Scan update!

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6  (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 21: 188  (-0.6 lbs)

Total gain:  16.8 lbs

Update on Anatomy scan.... HE IS PERFECT! Growing a big boy in there. He is about 2 weeks ahead. He's going to be a big boy like his daddy! :)

Pregnancy Weigh In - HALF BAKED!!!

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6  (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs) (192.4 at OB with clothes on)
Week 20: 188.6 (+2.6 lbs)

Total gain:  17.4 lbs

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track (174 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6  (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs) (187 at OB, with clothes on)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)
Week 19: 186 (-0.4 lbs)

Total gain:  14.8 lbs

I added my OB weight in there, that is with all my clothes on and after lunch. My usual weigh in's at home are done in the nude right when I wake up. Anatomy Scan on Friday!!!!!

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2 (-2 lbs)
Week 3: 169.2 (+0 lbs)
Week 4: 170 (+0.8 lbs)
Week 5: 170.2 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4 (+5.2 lbs)
Week 10: 175.6 (+0.2 lbs)
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6  (+3 lbs)
Week 13: 180.6 (+2 lbs)
Week 14: 181.2 (+0.6 lbs)
Week 15: 183.8 (+2.6 lbs)
Week 16: 183 (-0.8 lbs)
Week 17: 186 (+3 lbs)
Week 18: 186.4 (+0.4 lbs)

Total gain:  15.2 lbs

Trying to limit the gain to a maximum of 35-40 lbs. I think at the rate I am going, I'm right on track.

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6
Week 13: 180.6
Week 14: 181.2
Week 15: 183.8
Week 16: 183
Week 17: 186

Total pregnancy gain: 14.8 lbs

 Putting myself on a strict calorie intake of 1600 calories a day. Praying it helps!

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6
Week 13: 180.6
Week 14: 181.2
Week 15: 183.8
Week 16: 183.0

Total pregnancy gain: 11.6 lbs

Elective Ultrasound!

Little boy is so cute and not shy one bit!! We even got a DVD of the ultrasound. It was pretty amazing. :)

It's a....

BOY!

I didn't expect an ultrasound today at my appointment. I saw a different doctor that was an OB instead of a midwife. As soon as doc walked in the room, he asked me some questions, and then sent me to the bed. He said "let's take a look!" and I'm like, "huh?" haha! I was totally expecting a fundus check and a heartbeat check on the doppler. Nope! Little baby popped up on the screen all spread-eagle and the doc said "want to know the sex?" I'm like "OF COURSE!" and he's like "Boy!" :) I was really, really excited that I was right. As the same time, I was upset I can't buy really, really cute baby girl stuff. All that doesn't matter because I am forever gracious for this gift of life God has given me and I am stoked to say that we have a LITTLE BOY coming in February. Thank you, God!!!!!!!

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6
Week 13: 180.6
Week 14: 181.2

Total pregnancy gain: 10 lbs

All I can say is I can't believe I'm 14 weeks!!!!!

*13 weeks!*

How far along: 13 weeks!
 

How big is baby this week: The size of a peach! :)

Total weight gain: 9.6 lbs Oy...

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: Sleeping okay...

Best moment this week: The fact that we're now in the second trimester!!!

Miss anything: Being able to control my food intake. My urges are SO crazy right now.

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: French Fries, pizza, chicken.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I sometimes feel sick after eating, but not always.

Symptoms: Exhaustion and gas.

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: On most of the time.

Mood: Ready to start work on Friday. Summer has been making me feel depressed because I sit at home and don't do anything. lol

Looking forward to: Gender scan at hopefully 17 weeks!

Anything else?: Not really. Everything is going great!

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6
Week 13: 180.6

Total pregnancy gain: 9.4 lbs

I need to slow down. 2 lbs in one week is NOT good. I calk it up to the birthday cake I needed on my birthday! lol

Pregnancy Weigh In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6
Week 11: Didn't track
Week 12: 178.6

Total pregnancy gain: 7.4 lbs

Yeaahhh... how did that happen? lol Oh, I know! I ate way too much!

Dreams

When pregnant women said their dreams are very vivid, I never thought I'd get the chance to have those crazy "vivid" dreams. It was hard for me to even get the idea of being pregnant in my head.

Well, these vivid dreams come every night. Sometimes several dreams a night. The last one was the weirdest. My dream felt so real, that I jumped in front of a car to see if it was really a dream or not. Well, apparently it was just a dream because I woke up in a state of relief when I didn't have any bruises from being ran over. I just hope tonight's dreams are more pleasant. I'm perplexed by this symptom of pregnancy. It is just INSANE. And I remember pretty much every detail and person that's in these dreams. One night I dreamed that I gave birth to a baby boy and her turned into a kitten. Really? A kitten? How much crazier can it get? lol

*10 WEEKS*

 

How far along: 10 weeks!
 

How big is baby this week: The size of a prune!

Total weight gain: 4.4 lb

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: Sleeping perfectly! So glad it's summer so I can sleep whenever I want! :)

Best moment this week: The excitement that in 3 more weeks we will be in second trimester!

Miss anything: Being able to control food temptations! I have a really bad cake craving right now. :/

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: Cake, pickles, and french fries.

Anything making you queasy or sick: The sickness is going away for the most part. I can eat normally without feeling sick.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, gas, bloating.

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: On most of the time.

Mood: Really excited to hit DOUBLE DIGITS!!!!

Looking forward to: In 7 days we will be seeing baby again! I can't wait. We're also going to go public on Facebook if all goes well! :)
 
Anything else?: So glad I get to stop taking the Crinone supplements. So tired of seeing gunk in my underwear daily. LOL

Pregnancy Weigh-In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4
Week 10: 175.6

Total pregnancy gain: 4.4 lbs

Not too bad for last week. My goal for this week is to stay the same. 

Thoughts

I'm not sure how I'm going to type all my thoughts into this once post. I've been wanting to make a post for a while about how I'm feeling about this pregnancy. Today I am 9 weeks 4 days pregnant. I am very, very happy to have come this far.

Some days I feel like this isn't my life. I feel like I'm just an impostor. I just can't imagine us at this time having a baby. After so long waiting, praying, and believing that it would one day happen, it's finally happening. I feel so strange. Now that we're pregnant, I feel like we should feel comfortable and ready to have this child. Well, that's not what I'm feeling. I'm constantly worried that my baby will not have a heartbeat tomorrow, or the next day. I'm always feeling like the worst is going to be dropped on us. I do keep praying for God to help me continue into this pregnancy with peace of mind and to know that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.

I don't feel connected with this baby. Maybe I don't feel it yet because I am still in denial? Sometimes I just feel like I'm crazy.

Now that I'm pregnant, what is my life going to be like when the baby comes? I wont be obsessing over TTC. What will consume my mind? Well, I'm sure it will be the baby. It's such a strange thing to go through. Pregnancy after infertility.... you just don't know how to process pregnancy and having a child because you shoved that idea into the back of your mind for such a long time it's hard to dig it out.

Not much more to say. My emotions are just all over the place. I literally feel like I'm going to go insane one of these days. Hmmm....

Pregnancy Weigh-In

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2
Week 6: Didn't track
Week 7: Didn't track
Week 8: Didn't track
Week 9: 175.4

Total pregnancy gain: 4.2 lbs

EEEEEKKK. I am so hungry all the time. I need to stop indulging.  :( And I need to not forget to track. At the rate I'm going, I'll be up 40 lbs by the time baby is born. OH DEAR.

100th post!!!

To celebrate, I decided to use my doppler today to see if I could find the baby's heartbeat.

Well...

Today at 8w3d I FOUND IT! After searching for 15 minutes and about to give up, I finally found it. Such a sweet sound. It's so surreal. It was about 170bpm. I am so thrilled! I can't wait for hubby to hear it, too! :)

Update

Ultrasound this morning went fabulous! Baby measured one day ahead at 7 weeks 5 days. Heartbeat was 164. The gestational sac was one day behind, but RE said everything looked normal! We couldn't be more excited! Bleeding has come to a hault but I don't think it will be the last of it as long as I'm on this progesterone gel. 2 and a half weeks left... oh dear Lord please help me through this! My next appointment and hopefully ultrasound is the 30th, a little over 3 weeks away. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get through 3 whole weeks without seeing our little one. Hopefully by 9.5 weeks we will be able to hear the hb on our doppler.

Our little alien peanut....

Another Bleeding Episode

Cue very huge sad face!

Last night we were waiting in the line to buy fireworks. I had to pee, so I decided to walk to the nearest gas station (a very small walk away). While on my way to go pee, I felt a gush down there. I figured it was just come crazy pregnancy CM that I've been having sometimes. I get to the bathroom, pull down my shorts and panties, and my panties and shorts are filled with red blood. I didn't freak out. I also did not have my cell phone to relay the news. I was like "Great, the one time I decide to leave my phone in the car!" I was horrified by the fact that I had to leave the gas station with blood ALL OVER my sorts. I tried to walk as fast as I could out of the store with my legs as closed as possible. I don't think anyone saw me. Thank the good Lord it was dark outside. I calmly walk to the car thinking, "Really??? Is this REALLY happening on a HOLIDAY??" I jump in the car where my mom and sister are at. My husband was still standing in line for fireworks. I plop myself in the back seat and say, "I have bad news." My mom looked back at me and I opened my legs to she her the blood all over my shorts. I told her to get my husband and tell him we're going home. She did, and we left. When we got to my house I went straight to the bathroom, took my clothes off, and sat on the toilet. I just sat there and balled my eyes out. Blood was dripping from me into the toilet. I heard a loud splash in the toilet and just KNEW this wasn't good. I looked in the toilet but did not see any clots or tissue. I wasn't in any pain at all.

To make a long story short, I decided to go to sleep to see if my bleeding continued  through the night. The OB office told me the last time I was there that if you start bleeding, you have to go to the ER if you are not passed 20 weeks yet. Being 7 weeks 2 days yesterday, my only choice was to go to the ER. Well, I knew the ER would laugh at me. They told me to not come in unless I was in pain/or bleeding through 2 pads an hour. I decided to sleep on it. This morning I decided to call my RE and ask if he could move my 8 week appointment to tomorrow and they did. I will be having an u/s tomorrow morning at 8am. I'm terrified, but since my bleeding has stopped and it's not just tinted brown every time I wipe, I feel better. It's almost how the last bleeding episode happened, just with a huge gush of blood instead of wiping only pink. Either way this goes, I am so blessed by God. We can get pregnant naturally. Of course I want this little baby to stay put. But if God decided that it wasn't time for us yet again, then I'm 100% behind every choice made by Him. I just pray that He keeps little bean healthy and really sticky in my uterus. Praying that we see growth and an amazing little heartbeat tomorrow morning. Tonight is going to be VERY difficult.... I hope I'll be able to sleep.

Oh, I think the bleeding episode was caused by my crinone gel. I've been getting HUGE buildups of gray clumpy material. I know it's the gel. I just wonder if the gel is the culprit? The buildup could have caused my cervix to be irritated. I don't know, but I am praying that all is well and we can move on from the horrible night last night!

7 weeks!

How far along: 7 weeks!

Total weight gain: 2.4 lbs :(

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: I have been so exhausted, still. Sleep screams at me at around 2pm to take a nap!

Best moment this week: Telling our family that we're pregnant!!! :) And we also had a small group meeting at our OB clinic. Our first OB appointment is on July 30th! Really exciting!! I'll be 11 weeks by then!

Miss anything: Not feeling hungry all the time! lol

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: Not yet.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating too much at one time. I really need to learn how to do several small means throughout the day!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, Nausea, bloating, and gas!

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: ON!

Mood: On top of the biggest cloud 9 you've ever seen!

Looking forward to: Week 8! We have our second u/s with the RE.
Anything else?: Can this next 7 days fly by so we can see our bean again? I'm so nervous and excited!

*6 weeks & U/S picture*

How far along: 6 weeks!

Total weight gain: 0.6 lbs

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: I have been so exhausted. I welcome any sleep in any bed at any time. :)

Best moment this week: Seeing our little one on u/s for the first time! Absolutely the most wonderful thing I've ever seen! Heart beat was 127bpm!

Miss anything: Not feeling like my stomach is turning ALL DAY LONG. I guess I miss feeling normal. But I'd do this for as long as possible to have our little bundle of joy!

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: Not yet.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Before meals I feel so hungry and sick at the same time. Then, after I eat, I feel okay for like 10 minutes until I feel sick again. This is a continual 24/7 feeling! I'll take it though! At least little baby is telling mommy he/she is growing!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, Nausea, brown spotting, gas, and frequent bowel movements.

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: ON!

Mood: On top of the biggest cloud 9 you've ever seen!

Looking forward to: Week 8! We have our second u/s with the RE.
Anything else?: My RE tested my progesterone today. It went from 26 to 19. He gave me Crinone suppositories to take every morning. How fun! I get to be in the progesterone gel club for the first time! I'm glad he is taking precautions. I really love this guy(My RE). :)


And without further adieu... our little peanut at exactly 6 weeks!

ER visit

Ugh, yes, I'm the girl who freaks out because she is spotting early in pregnancy. Yesterday I was 5 weeks 5 days pregnant. I went to the restroom and wiped and saw pink/red blood. First thought, "No!!!!" Second thought, "To the ER I go!"

Needless to say I was very upset but tried to stay calm because I know that spotting in early pregnancy is not uncommon.

We went into the ER at 9:30pm last night. They took blood, did a pelvic exam, and an abdominal ultrasound. My Beta came back at 30,000 which kind of worried me at the time. It's a 134 doubling time... seems a little slow but I have to remind myself that once they get this high, the doubling time gets slowed down. I guess the average is about 96 hours at this point. I'm not TOO far off, at least. The abdominal ultrasound found one gestational sac. Nothing else was seen. I was excited to know that we have a pregnancy in the right place. But at the same time I thought we'd see at least a yolk sac. I'm chalking it up to being abdominal and not trans-vaginal.

Tomorrow is my next appointment/ultrasound with my RE. He has Mr. Wandy, so I am praying so hard we at least get something besides the gestational sac.

I'm spotting brown now. So that makes me feel a little better. Still worried about my beta, though. What do you think??

My new weigh in list for pregnancy!

Pregnancy Weight Week by Week!

To make sure I don't let myself go, I've decided to keep track of my pregnancy weight week by week. I really don't want to gain a million lbs by the time I'm 9 months pregnant!

Week 1: 171.2
Week 2: 169.2
Week 3: 169.2
Week 4: 170
Week 5: 170.2

Total pregnancy gain*:  -1 lbs


Up from last week, but down over all. As long as I keep watching what I'm eating I think I will be good to go!


3 more days until the ultrasound!!!

Beta #2 at 21dpo

My beta at 21dpo was over 15,000 -insert worried look here-

The doubling time is 40.6 hours. I am thrilled about this but the really high number makes me worry about a molar or possible twins. I'm just freaking out a tad. I guess we will find out on the 25th. I'm so nervous but really super excited.

Scott has been taunting me with the "What if we're having twins?" question. He asks me several times a day. He says he WANTS twins. I say I want a healthy baby. Boy oh boy, I am on edge with this whole twin thing. I'm just trying to get through each day. 5 weeks 2 days today. Man, I wish these next 4 days would fly by....

I have been getting super duper bloated at night time. It's annoying. I just want to let my belly hang out. It looks rather gross. I feel fat. I feel uncomfortable. And being this early, I'm beginning to think that I'm going to complain a whole lot more during the length of this pregnancy. I never thought of myself as a complainer, but I am so happy to have all these symptoms nonetheless. It's a strange situation. Oh, and gas, the lovely gas. Every night I have a party in my pants. DH thinks it's funny. I think I'm just a freak. haha

*5 weeks*

How far along: 5 weeks!

Total weight gain: 0.6 lbs

Stretch marks: Being overweight does that to you. Yes.

Sleep: Been getting lots and lots of rest!

Best moment this week: Having a very, very high beta!

Miss anything: Nothing yet!

Movement: Too early!

Food cravings: Not yet.

Anything making you queasy or sick: We went to Santa Fe and I ate a salad and halfway through I felt like I was going to throw up. Glad I didn't.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, Insomnia, Nausea, some cramps, gas, and frequent bowel movements, off and on constipation.

Belly button: Innie

Weddings rings: ON!

Mood: Anxious for our U/S next Monday!

Looking forward to: A growing bump in the future. I can't believe we're 5 weeks today! :)

Weekly Weigh In

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)
Week twenty: 170.6
Week twenty-one: 169.6
Week twenty-two: 171.2
Week twenty-three: 169.2
Week twenty-four: 169.2
Week twenty-five: 170

Total lost: 14 lbs

 I've been so starving. I think this is why I gained. ;x I need to figure out a routine for when my stomach is growling at me!

The Green Overachieving Nugget!

This nickname came from my friend who went with my to my beta appointment. While we were waiting in the waiting room, she explained to me how God has it planned for us to have our children. All of our eggs are "lined up" in a "straight line." Most are red and some are green. Red ones are the ones that will never become our children. Green ones will. So we decided that my eggie was a green one and God decided it was time to come into this world! So that is where we got the "green" part of little love bug's nickname. "Nugget" is a word that my friend has been saying quite often lately. So I said ohhh, it's going to be my lucky "Green Nugget" we also talked about it hopefully being an overachiever! Well, after the beta results, that is definitely one true fact. We have out Green Overachieving Nugget. :) I just wish my husband were able to be there with me to hear the beta results and such. But duty calls and he had to be away for work.

 

I just want to say that I am so blessed to make it to 16dpo with a great beta number and p4 number. This post is going to just be for my symptom records, so I can look back and remember how it feels to be in this step of my pregnancy.

Symptoms:

• Every night I have a ton of nausea. After I eat dinner it gets to the point where my stomach is turning every way possible and I feel like whatever I ate is pretty much in my throat. I'm not complaining. I like having this symptom because I know something must be going on down there. :) 
• My breasts have been getting a little tender. I was wondering when this would happen. I welcome all breast tenderness!
• My lack of libido. I don't even want to think about having sex. In the evenings when I'm nauseous I am sure it will make for an unpleasant experience. I just hope my husband doesn't get annoyed by the fact that my va-jay-jay wants nothing to do with his dip stick. I'm also part terrified that something horrible will happen...

I am so blessed by God. THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS MIRACLE!  

15dpo beta update!

1,254!!!!!


Yes, you heard that right. :)  I couldn't be more happier!

P4 level is at 25! Perfect range. 

Ultrasound on the 25th! I am still in shock and trying to pinch myself to wake up from this amazing deam!!!

Final Progression!

I am really enjoying watching these sticks get darker. I was worried at first that they were getting dark too fast. But now that several people have told me that quite a few people get dark tests early, I feel better. Thank you Lord for this beautiful gift of life!!!!

I have tons of symptoms to report.

Symptoms:

•  Last night I had really horrible nausea to the point where I couldn't sleep because any moment I felt like I was going to puke. I went to Walgreens to pick up some Unisom (a friend requested I take it). I swallowed that baby and within 45 minutes I was out like a lamp and not feeling sick. Yay! Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for that symptom. It reassures me.
• Last night I felt like I had to poop and was having quite a few cramps. I'm writing that up to gas pains. I never ended up pooping but I did fart quite a bit before I went to sleep and since I've been awake this morning I've been farting non-stop. Sexy, huh? haha

This Unisom is making me very sleepy even though I feel like I slept so amazingly last night. And today I haven't really had any issues besides having to fart every 2 seconds. LOL  I can't stress it enough how grateful to God that I am. He is so amazing!!!!!

8-12dpo progression!

I still can't wrap it around my head that I am pregnant. And the fact that I'm beating the control line at 12dpo is mind blowing to me. Truly. Insane. I never ever thought this would happen. It's like I went from one extreme to another. Infertility to super amazing (obviously) rising hCG. My beta is on Tuesday (hopefully). 3 more days of waiting!


Symptoms:

• Last night I had my first round of toilet hugging. Note: A bowl of Lucky Charms right before bed is not a fab idea. It did not sit well with me. 
• Insomnia... I'm guessing this it due to being anxious and nervous. I can't sleep because my mind is racing at the fact that anything could happen at this point (any point, really).
• Still waking up feeling like I could eat a whole cow by myself.
• Daily morning very soft bowel movements (not normal for me). This is really strange to me. Normally I am not regular like this. It's usually sporadic and I am not able to time when I'll probably have to go.
• Frequent urination. Yep, going to the bathroom probably twice the amount as I normally would. The bathroom is like my new best friend? Yeah, not really. lol

Still praising the lord for the miracle He has given my husband and I. I am still in shock and I might be in denial for a while. I just pray I don't keep puking. Ehh, could totaly deal WITHOUT that but if that's what God has in store for me to get our take home baby, I'm all for it! Let the puking continue, please. :)

11dpo PM update & symptoms...

 

I'm loving my tests. Although I get super nervous right before I dip every one of them. I feel like one of these times I'm going to get a super duper light line and then freak out. Freaking out is not fun in my book. I try my hardest to remind myself that hCG doesn't rise every 2 hours. LOL And my tests are looking pretty darn good as the days go by. A fellow TTCer told me "You're going to break that line before other women even start testing!" I thought that was pretty funny. Some friends are saying "twins" and I think there is only one in there, snuggling deep. :) I am still trying to wrap this around my head that I am indeed pregnant. I've never had this dark of tests. I beat my tests with my chemical at 9dpo(Yeah, crazy, I know!). I just keep praying to God that he lets us keep this little nugget growing inside me. I also thank God for giving us this miracle. I have so many emotions running through my head right now. The main one is fear. But, again, I'm trying to depend on God and all we can do right now is wait. Whatever He has in store for us, we can handle. We will overcome each and every obstacle He delivers because we have before. I am just blessed to know we conceived naturally. That is a miracle in itself.

Symptoms:

• EXHAUSTION! I've been wanting to go to sleep at 5pm for the last few days. Today I almost fell asleep in the car on the way to dinner. Yeah, I was that tired. I also had a very long nap today....so I shouldn't be.
  
• HEADACHE. ALL. DAY. LONG. I finally gave in a took one regular strength Tylenol. Thank God it eased up a little.

• STARVATION. I felt so queezy on the way to dinner I was so hungry but I also felt like I wanted to puke at the same time. Ugh! Once I ate, I felt a little better. The feeling of being sick stayed for about 20-30 minutes after I ate.

I will probably be updating every now and then. I want to be able to look back at my symptoms in the future and to embrace every second of this miracle pregnancy. I am trying to keep my guard, though. Keep praying for me!

8-11 dpo progression! :)

 



Sooo thrilled and thankful for this miracle!!!!

Weigh In and 10dpo progression :)

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)
Week twenty: 170.6
Week twenty-one: 169.6
Week twenty-two: 171.2
Week twenty-three: 169.2
Week twenty-four: 169.2

Total lost: 14.8 lbs

Yay for not gaining! :) I've been trying REALLY hard not to go over my calories.

I've been super duper hungry all day long and very gassy. Interestingly enough, I haven't had any breast tenderness. They feel perfectly fine! I kind of wish there were something going on with them. My tests are getting super dark - to the point where I think I will break an FRER in a few days. Insane, isn't it? I'm just trying to really keep myself guarded and not get too excited. I pray this is a sticky bean. I'm getting a beta done on Tuesday, 15dpo. I could go in and do it with my PCM if I wanted to by with my tests right now, I know I have high numbers. Especially for 10 dpo....

I've been searching the web for pictures of positive tests at 9-10 dpo. Mine are super dark compared to all of the ones I have seen. It almost seems insane to me that they are this dark. My IC's are getting really dark, too. Much darker than the ones did with my chemical.

I am so thrilled to be experiencing this right now. I still can't believe my husband and I made a baby without IUI. I never in my life thought that it would happen naturally. God really worked his magic on us. I prayed and prayed for this child. I prayed for the opportunity to be a mother and I am so grateful. Thank you God!!!!!!! Glory to Him in the HIGHEST!!!!

Here's my progression....

 

 

9DPO DIGITAL!

PRAISE THE GOOD LORD! GLORY IS ALL TO GOD!!!!

8dpo BFP!!!!!!!!

With a 20-30 minute hold, same pee for all sticks.... I am shocked and speechless. Thank you LORD!!!!!!! And a NATURAL CYCLE at that???? I am so blessed!!!!!!!

6dpo

Yes. That's right. SIX dpo. This wait is killing me. I really want to test at 9dpo, but I think I might start testing the night of 8dpo. I have some 10 miu tests from earlypregnancytests.com that I have never used before so I want to see if I'll get something on those. No symptoms really besides this incredible hungry feeling I had last night and I am SUPER GASSY... Don't really like my temps because they seem a bit low.

I need to try to figure out what I'm going to do to keep me busy on Monday and Tuesday.... they are going to snail by. I will update with pictures of my sticks when time comes! Wish me a speedy next 48 hours!!!

Weekly Weigh-In

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)
Week twenty: 170.6
Week twenty-one: 169.6
Week twenty-two: 171.2
Week twenty-three: 169.2

Total lost: 14.8 lbs

YAY! This past week I've been up and down, but this morning surprised me. I think it's because I spent 2.5 hours at the mall browsing and walked A TON! Although I ran a few miles at the end of the week last week. Wondering what my body will do next week? We will see!

Good News, FINALLY!!!

I have fabulous news! Well, I had my post-op appointment yesterday. I totally thought I was going to have to take Provera because my body wasn't going to ovulate any time soon. Well, come to find out, I ovulated the night before my appointment. My RE took wandy, looked at my uterus where the polyp was (it was gone!) and then took a look at both ovaries and my lining. First of all, my lining was a whopping 13mm!!! He looked at my right ovary second. He asked me if I had any pain on my right side lately and I said yes. The night before, after DH and I BD'd, my uterus and right ovary felt like they were being stabbed with a huge needle. I thought something was super wrong, like I was going to die. I haven't felt that much pain down there in a while. Well, I decided to sleep it off and talk to my RE about it at my appointment. I was surprised when he asked if I had any pain. While he was looking at righty, he saw a corpus luteum which looked to have already popped (I guess). He then checked lefty and had a hard time finding it. There were a couple very small follies. I had my blood drawn for E2 and P4 and he called me back with my results after I left the office. He told me my P4 level was elevated and I was super stoked about this. He said I ovulated and if I don't get my period by the 14th then I could come in that morning to get a beta. AHHHH!!!! I didn't think I would be going through a TWW for a while!!! I praise God for giving us this chance! We BD the three days leading to O, then on O day, and the day after. 5 DAYS OF BD DURING O TIME! I am super duper excited. And I wont even have to think about testing out the trigger, if I see 2 lines I will know it's FOR REAL. I'm going to start testing on the 6th.

God really was looking out for us this cycle. We are so blessed, no matter how long it's going to take to make this baby of ours. God is guiding us and will always provide!!!

Looks like I'm gonna need Provera. :(

My post-op appointment is tomorrow. I haven't had a temp rise or positive OPK which is truly annoying. Oh well, though. I'm trying to just accept the fact that my body has not done what I want it to for the past few months anyway. I'm just ready to move on from this waiting crap. I'm read to start a PERFECT cycle!!!!!!! I am NOT ready for all the shots of follistim but I will do it because I know my follies need a bit of help. So AF should be here around the 8th of June. Seems like FOREVER away. Another crappy 2 week wait without the suspense of wondering if I am pregnant, how FUN! No really, it's so outstanding to have so much fun with the devil pill! (kidding) Just so ready to move on!

Weekly Weigh In

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)
Week twenty: 170.6
Week twenty-one: 169.6
Week twenty-two: 171.2

Total lost: 12.8 lbs

Ugh... I have no clue WHY I have gained this week. It really angers me!!!! And to add to the fact, I'm still waiting on a positive OPK. I just pray that I get one before my appointment so I don't have to take Provera AGAIN. :/

WHEN will I become a mother?

It's not the question of if I will ever become a mother, but when. I was going through *creeping* on a friend's facebook pictures of her, her husband, and their son (4 months). I could not help but to stop and stare at a picture of their son and her husband. The picture was of daddy talking to baby and baby was totally into the "conversation" (or looked like it). It was at that moment when I got the butterflies in my stomach as if I were imagining it to be my husband and our baby. It made me feel bad for us. It brought me emotions that when I feel them, I just feel like crying. I can't wait to see my husband and our children with him. I can't wait to watch them play together. I can't wait to watch my husband bond with his son or daughter from the very day he or she is born. All of these thoughts are screaming through my head and I haven't had these feelings in a while. I guess I've just kind of pushed them away because I don't want to feel sad. I know that our time will come. We may just have to continue waiting. Oh, to make this little picture worse, my friend and her husbands 1 year wedding anniversary is on angel baby's due date. Sweet, huh? :/

We decided to BD last night, at 8 days passed surgery. I think we were supposed to wait 2 weeks, but oh well. My spotting stopped on Thursday. It felt soooo goood. I don't regret it. :) I am currently waiting on a positive digital OPK. I got 3 packs at Goodwill about 3 months ago for $5.99 each (a steal). I am also temping and taking all my meds. I am not really thinking anything will happen this cycle. I am just praying that I O at least by CD 24, so that when I see my RE on the 29th (CD 28) he will check me to see if I have ovulated. Well, usually you check the P4 at 7dpo. I'm praying that I O, and if I O after CD 24, I will bring my chart and show it to my DR to prove to him I have ovulated already so I wont have to take the evil Provera. My husband is totally AGAINST taking Provera for the 3rd time this year. I am, too. I think RE just has not given my ovaries enough time to produce a nice follicle. Of course there wont be a huge dominant follie on day 13 of my cycle if I ovulate on day 20ish, DUH! I'm really praying that I ovulate between CD 20-25. But, my body just may be a little screwed up from surgery. I don't know if I will accept taking Provera if my body doesn't work correctly this month. But I REALLY don't want to have to deal with waiting longer for AF. It will be interesting to see how it works out.

 

The first time I took Provera, I got AF after 2 days of stopping the pill. That was the month of Follistim injections. Well, I only had an 18mm follie on day 18 and ovulated on day 20. Which, my body has done by itself in the past. I also had spotting the few days before ovulation (quite a bit!!). So this makes me question if Provera was the reason why my body decided to O late even WITH injections. Yeah, it was a small dose, but clomid made me ovulate on day 16. So I just don't get it. A part of me makes me think that taking Provera is making me O later. But I guess we wont know until this month is up because I took it at the end of April to induce AF.... so having a late O this month may tell me that Provera is the culprit of my late O, but I just don't know!!! My late O this month could very well be from the hysteroscopy/polypectomy. Who knows?

I'm trying to relax and not worry about all of these things. I just want to get pregnant without even thinking about it. But, as we know, that won't happen. I am fine, I will be okay. God just has some crazy stuff planned for us... and I know His timing will be peftect.

Weekly weigh in! :)

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)
Week twenty: 170.6
Week twenty-one: 169.6

Total lost: 14.4 lbs

Yahooo!!!!!

Still spotting from the surgery. Started temping this morning.... Waiting on O and excited for Next month!

Tomorrow is our 4th wedding anniversary! I am excited ~ 6 years together! I love my hubby so much!

You may not want to read...

I had not had a bowel movement since Thursday, the day before the surgery. Okay, so my RE told me to take milk of magnesia the day after surgery. I took it like the good girl I am. Well, today I am feeling the effects of taking this lovely bowel moving liquid. Ugh. I have had toilet time about 8 times today and it's not a pretty sight or sound (sorry to be so gross). I am having the WORST indigestion feeling in the world and it feels like my intestines are playing a game of checkers. I feel hungry but also feel like I'll be sick if I eat. It's annoying more than anything. 

I have not spotted at all today so that is a good thing. My throat stopped hurting from the breathing tube they inserted. That's another plus. :) I just wish this crazy stomach part would go away so I can stop running marathon to the bathroom. lol

My pre-op appointment is Tuesday the 29th where he will probably give me before and after pictures of my uterus and then take my P4 to tell me if I ovulated or not. I plan to start temping on Wednesday so that I can know if I ovulate before that and what DPO I will be so I can know when to expect AF and get ready for my baseline ultrasound and injections. I am so excited for this next cycle it is unreal. All these questions are being answered and hopefully it turns out for the best.... without any bleeding at all before ovulation. God is guiding us. I know He has extravagant plans for us and we will having our miracle soon.

By the way, happy mothers day to all mothers and mothers to be as well a those mothers to little angels lost too soon. <3

Hysteroscopy & Polypectomy SUCCESS!

I am proud to announce that the surgery was a success. The pesky "polyp" we were unsure of was INDEED a uterine polyp. I am a bit loopy still and my throat hurts from the breathing tube they put in for the general anesthesia. I'm also a bit nauseous if I sit up for too long and try to do too much. Even when I start eating I get the sick feeling. So I'm keeping this short and am proud to say that this hurdle we had to jump over was very successful. I am so thrilled! Can't wait for next month to HOPEFULLY get our natural BFP with Follistim injections! Keep praying for us.... this journey has been one heck of a ride!

hysteroscopy & polypectomy

AF came on the 2nd. I called my RE on the 3rd and he has my hysteroscopy/polypectomy scheduled for the 11th. Yippie! What sucks about this cycle is that it's a break cycle. BOOOO!! Hopefully this all works and cleans out my uterus so that we are able to do some baby making! :)

My plan for June's cycle is to either do Follistim with BD or use this donated expired Menopur with IUI and hope for the best. I still have to ask my RE if the expired Menopur is ok to use. I'm on edge about asking....

Anyway, this is super short and I really don't feel like adding anything else. Will update after the 11th!

Weigh In and Update

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)
Week ninteen: 172.6 (Provera/AF week)

Total lost: 11.4 lbs

Same thing happened the last time I took Provera. I gained one pound but still ate my calories and exercised. Oh well....

Anyway, AF is here now. I will be calling my RE tomorrow to get a date for the Hysteroscopy as well as to know if we will be on a break this month due to the procedure. I'll update again soon...

Weight In

Week one: 184.0
Week two: 180.6
Week three: 179.6(AF week)
Week four: 178.2
Week five: 179.0 (Provera week)
Week six: 180.0 (AF week)
Week seven: 179.0 (Follistim week)
Week eight: didn't track (Follistim week)
Week nine: didn't track
Week ten: 177.4 (first myfitnesspal week)
Week eleven: 177.4 (AF week)
Week twelve: 174.2
Week thirteen: 175.2
Week fourteen: 173.6
Week fifteen: 174.0
Week sixteen: 173.4 (AF week)
Week seventeen: 172.4
Week eighteen: 171.6 (Provera week)

Total lost: 12.4 lbs

I like this 1 pound a week trend. :)

Infertility ramblings...

I changed my blog up a little bit. I got bored with it.

I started Provera on the 22nd. so I should get AF by May 1st. I call Provera the devil pill because it brings AF to visit. But I'll do whatever it takes to move onto a new cycle and with new hope to get our little miracle. i am guessing the hysteroscopy will be around the 7th of May. He also wanted to me come in for a baseline ultrasound to start follistim again. I will probably have that on May 2nd-3rd depending on when AF comes to visit. I'm ready to get this all on the ball and rolling because I can't wait until the testing part. I bought 50 wondfos from Amazon and 15 earlypregnancytest.com 10miu's. I'm eager to see what happens with this next cycle, especially having the hysteroscopy and having renewed hope that this can all happen naturally, without IUI. I am praying it works.

In my head I play with the idea that the reason why our last IUI worked so well was because the swimmer catheter bypassed this "polyp" I have, making the swimmers more able to get to their destination. I've been thinking about this for a while. It makes sense, right? I have so much going through my mind. I also thing this ugly "polyp" comes and goes every now and again because my RE sees it sometimes and others he doesn't. Unless the times he doesn't see it he isn't looking for that so may skip over it somehow while getting the measurements for my ovaries and follies. There are lots of questions to be answered and I'm not quite sure if I will get those answers or not. I also wonder if that polyp was the reason for our chemical in November. We will never know. I just pray that our next pregnancy is full term with a healthy baby.

I don't have much else to share. Life is crazy and sometimes I just get so wrapped up in everyday things that I don't think to post on my blog. I really would like to make it more personable other than just it being an infertility blog. I have so much on my mind, but I just don't know where to start typing. And at times, I just don't feel like typing out all my feelings. It's weird because I used to blog on Livejournal and another blogging website and would often times pour out all my feelings every day. I just don't know how to do that any more. It doesn't come out at the tip of my fingers like it used to. Maybe as time goes by with this battle of infertility I have just not wanted to whole heartedly pour myself into this blog? I already whole heartedly give almost every second of the day to my thoughts on when I will become a mother. There's no stopping those thoughts, I have tried. When I start to think I feel normal throughout the day, something reminds me that I am infertile and I start to think about the next thing we are trying, the dates that we will be trying those new things, and when we will possibly have our own child. It's a vicious cycle. Some day it wont be like this. Surely God will grant us our miracle and we can breathe easy of infertility for a short time to be able to enjoy our miracle.

Until then, I will still be reminded each and every day of the fact that we do not have a baby of our own yet. As each day passes, we get closer but we never know how much. Patience is something every person going through infertility must have. I don't know if it's just a given, or we learn it along the way. All I know is that mine is running thin. It has been for over a year now. I'm tired of infertility. I won't let it rule my life. Wait, I don't know how to NOT let it rule my life. But I will try my hardest to do whatever I can to keep it at bay in those times where it's the most heart wrenching feeling in the world. God will provide.

I'm sorry if this post seems like I'm just rambling on and on. When I blogged a long time ago I used to have everything flow perfectly and make sense. But for some reason, this entry seems to be long and sounds like I'm ranting way too much. Maybe that's what I needed for tonight? May, can you please hurry up and get here?

Besides, our 4th wedding anniversary is in about a month. I'm just a wee bit excited!

Appointment Update

So my follie scan went horrible. :( Just like back in February when my RE gave me Provera to re-start my cycle. He didn't see ANY lead follies on day 13. I don't understand this because last cycle I had a normal 33 day cycle though I think I O'd on day 21. I'm just confused. He also saw the darn uterine polyp that I have had 2 SHG's for in the past. He doesn't want to monkey around any more and told me he will more than likely want to do a hysteroscopy when AF comes. I'm excited to finally have him doing something about this "polyp" I've had since last July that keeps popping up every now and again but likes to hide during SHG's and my one HSG. Apparently I have a tricky little booger in there that likes to play games with us.

Anyway, my RE also said he wants to try Follistim again. Ugh... I am willing to do what he suggests, but I'm worried about the bleeding I had on the last cycle using it. If I end up bleeding again, I WONT be using it again. My DH and I talked last night about the medication and that if I bleed again, we will ask a friend of mine for her Menopur she used while doing her IUI's and we will do an IUI with that if this next cycle fails. She offered it to me a couple months ago. I may just take her up on the offer! :)

I really don't know how I feel. I'm kind of in a weird funk. I know that God has a plan, but how many more times am I going to get bad news? I'm tired of waiting. I need to be patient and trust in Him. For now, I'm continuing my weight loss journey and praying that God brings our miracle down to us.